Will I ever feel thin??? - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

KatJ · 09-10-2003, 08:42 AM

I have still been having problems with my bulimia, but much better than before due to the fact that I am in college now living with three other girls...dosn't give me much alone time, which is a GOOD thing. I weigh like 147 on days when I havn't binged at all...but the problem is that I feel no happier about myself then I did when I weighed like 163 a few month ago. (My weight fluctuates insane do to my ED) ANYWAYS! I remember that I told my psychologist that my goal weight was 145...and that i would be happy at that weight and not want to be thinner...like when I was anorexic. The problem is that I am not happy and all I can think of is how much weight I need to lose and I am only lik 2-3 lbs away from my "goal" weight. I don't understand! Also some days my cloths will feel lose and other days I feel like I am fitting into them like a glove! It is so discouraging. I am trying to think positively, but how do I stop the feeling of being fat? I weighed like 130 a few years ago...and I felt fat then too! I dunno...I just want to stop this CYCLE!! I am doing better with my bulimia though....which will help make me feel better!

Love Katie

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Katie

Running Queen · 09-10-2003, 11:17 AM

KatJ-

First of all, congratulations on doing better with your bulimia! It's wonderful that you are noticing a difference and that you are proud of yourself. Keep thinking positively along those lines!

I know that it's hard to see your weight go up and down and wanting to be thinner even when you've reached your "goal weight". Just remember that it's your eating disorder talking when you think thoughts like "I'm still fat! I can keep losing weight". I know that you know those kinds of thoughts are wrong.

I wish I could just take a magical stick and wave it over all of you and make all your problems go away. But that can't happen. Recovery takes time, and it takes action. Wishing your life away will never bring happiness or accomplishment. Keep doing your best KatJ. Be with your roommates as much as possible..it sounds like they are helping.

Love, Jen