dont know what to do - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

ididntdoit99 · 09-17-2003, 03:30 PM

I myself, have no problems with eating, my x-girlfriend (whom i still live with), has been making herself puke after meals for some time. i found out when we first started dating. And after we talked about it, i thought she had stopped, which she did, for about a year, now she keeps saying she is fat, (she has gained some weight since we moved in together) but since we arent going out, she decided that she would fess up and tell me she's been doing it again for almost 6 months. i keep tellling her that its wrong, but she doesnt care about what i have to say nemore. i dont know if i should tell her family, because i know she cares what they think about her. i dont know if i shopuld get her some help somehow??? i dont know what to do, because she doesnt really care about what i have to say. she says she's tried diets but they dont work, which i'm pretty sure is bull anyway because we've dated for 2 and a hlf years and she's not ever really dieted in that time. Help me!!! i cant stand to watch her do this to herself, and it sure isnt helping her weight anyway, its just hurting her.

goldilocks26 · 09-18-2003, 03:13 AM

Hi
It sounds like you care a great deal for your friend...and whether she is ready to face her problem dead on right now or not...she is definately going to need your support(especially if her family is unaware of her problem). Its difficult for a person with an eating disorder to accept the advice of others for several reasons; we don't feel we are understood, are not ready to 'deal' with the realities of the problem OR the goal of losing weight is SOO overwhelming that it takes over. Nothing else matters. It warps our perception of things and messes with our ability to step back and rationalize things. But this perception, this overwhelming desire to control our weight and food is VERY real. Even if we can understand the problem intellectually, psychologically and emotionally it is absolutely paralyzing. It would be pointless to argue with her or force her to do something she isn't ready for. Anyone attempting to recover from an eating disorder will tell you that it has to be their conscious choice to get better. Their initiative. And telling her parents may even drive a wedge between the two of you. You have to understand that bullemia is a very isolating problem...the shame attached to the problem is horrible. The fact that she shared her problem with you shows that she trusts you and is in some way reaching out for help. It would be counterproductive to betray that trust now.
Perhaps you should tell her about this site...that way she could open up about her problem with people that understand what she is going through. You could also do some research to see what support centres, therapy or clinics there are in your area and provide her with pamphlets so that when she is ready, she can look into them.
Most of all, be there for her with a comforting shoulder and an open mind/ear. And DO tell her to look into this board....the isolation of eating disorders can be very lonely and upsetting. She should also know that the longer an eating disorder goes on...the harder it is to recover.
SORRY THIS IS SO LONG!!! Just my two cents. I've been ill for 11 years with anorexia and bullemia...and I have to say my boyfriend has been one of the greatest support systems I've had through it all...he has kept me sane!
Hope this helps!
goldilocks.

ididntdoit99 · 09-18-2003, 10:12 AM

thank you very much, i asked her about it (telliing me) it told her she obviously was asking for my help, but she told me that she just wanted to make me feel bad about it. whatever, we fought for a while after we broke up, and she just said one time while we were fighting i'm going to go puke now. so thats how i found out. she also acts like its my fault because i knew she used to do it, and she said "you shouldv'e known to watch a little better" What the hell am i spose to do??? go to the bathroom with her? how is this possibly being blamed on me?