savysac

fallen,

you will have to excuse my ignornce, but when you say you deny yourself food, do you also deny yourself drink?

Duh, I mean you must drink something, you have to drink to live.

I mean what do you drink, and when?

I would like to be anorexic, but I cant, sounds pretty F'ed up I know.

I too isolated myself from the world.
I am 34 years old, 300 pounds, living in constant excrutiating pain from a rare nerve disorder, I also have a disease called sarcoidosis which is attacking my lungs, skin and eyes, and just this week I found out is causing scihrosis of my liver and I may need a transplant, will know by xmas. I was divorced this spring from the only true love of my life,( I found out she never really loved me, jsut my money which is all gone now) I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter who I rarely get to see because my X is so vindictive. I have a bachelor's degree but am stuck in a dead end job in a dead end town making less than $25,000 a year soI can be near my daughter when I am allowed to see her, I have recently filed bankruptcy and have 4 creditors seeking judgements and wage garnishments from me. I have been diagnosed with manic depression and severe anxiety dissorder and suffer bouts of sleep paralysis and siezures. Oh yeah, did I mention that I am in CONSTANT PAIN?

I used to think I am worthless, I used to put myslef down. I thought of and tried suicide, I used to feel sorry for myself, but now, I am beyond all that. I dont even do that anymore. Whats the point? I may as well keep living to see how much worse things can get.

Take heart dear, you will snap out of the funk you are in, you have your whole life ahead of you, and as long as you dont make the same mistakes I have, you should do just fine. I have hope for you, and know your life will turn around for the better when the time is right. We only get so many opportunites to grab onto and take happiness in our lifetime, I hope for yoursake that you will not throw those opportunities away when they do come your way, and that you will be able to recognize them when they appear. I have never been able to do so.

So, I sit in front of my computer, night after night, popping pain pills, muscle relaxers, anti depressants and sedatives, sleeping next to never, reaching out to someone who may be able to help me. I go to work during the day, I keep to myself(thank god I do not have a job dealing with the public)and come home and do the same thing over again and again.

I just wanted to give you a different perspective on things from a stranger in hopes that you see that your life can change for the better, and that you are deserving of being happy, and things could always be worse.

take care

peace

terry