i puke but am i crazy - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

IAMaNut · 10-01-2003, 09:59 PM

*sigh* it all started this summer when i got real stressed. I cant really explain but i found something out and i just couldnt handle it so i puked. I puked 13 times in 3 days and i barely ate. then i lost my appetite for a while, i just couldnt eat as much as i used to (i seriously would eat and be hunry 10 mins later) I lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks, and i have kept it off. Im not fat at all, and im not to thin. i like my weight, but thats not the issue.

anyway i went away to college right after losing the 10lbs so i was thinking that my puking was also associated with the stress of starting college in addition to the info i had just found out.

but it is now october and when i get real stressed and i feel i cannot deal, i make myself puke. I know i can hold off most of the time and it ususally only happens once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. i dont have to stick my finger down my throat or anything, i just gag and puke. Im not doing it b/c i feel like i ate to much, it helps me kind of relax...is that wrong? i mean i dont puke a lot at a time, its not that much and i dont want to get graphic.

well anyway sometimes i wonder if its b/c of stress, mostly related to the info i found out this summer, or if im doing it for attention. sometimes i feel im doing it for attention, BUT I JUST DONT KNOW

is this an eating disorder...or will i be ok? so lots of people puke when they get stressed to make them feel better?

thanks for listening!
amber

fishnets · 10-01-2003, 10:55 PM

Yeah, a lot of people find purging to be almost cathartic, relaxing, like you're purging out all the bad emotions/stress inside. You're not crazy, I feel the same way when I purge. But as you're begining to see it's an addiction, and it gets very hard to stop. Do you feel like you'd be able to stop? I really hope so, because it will just get worse and worse if you don't. Perhaps you could talk to a counciler? Good luck.

ChicagoChris · 10-02-2003, 07:22 PM

Iamanut - I feel for you. I'm feeling the same way. I have no idea how it all started. But I almost feel great afterwards.

I finally broke down and told my husband last night and now he's been following me around all night watching me after I eat. Which is making me more obsessed and almost wanting to go puke just to see if he'll catch me.

IAMaNut · 10-02-2003, 09:08 PM

me again....i think that i could stop if i really wanted to...i just dont want to..but i know i should becasue i dont want to have a problem...

heather

skycloud · 10-06-2003, 09:04 PM

For me it started slowly and then became impossible to stop. Everything I ate I purged and it was definitely an emotional release. It's important to find a different way of coping. Do things you like to do - take yoga classes so you can learn to let life's stresses pass over you without feeling like you have to control them (control is an illusion anyway). Always check for depression and know that there are medications out there that won't make you gain weight. When I was bullimic I was also severely depressed. And for the woman who's husband is following her around - that's tough, he's scared I'm sure, but following you around will only make you more secretive. He's got to give you your space and allow you to work on this on your own.
Good luck to both of you,
skycloud.