Oh sheesh!! This has been an awful morning!
Yesterday I e-mailed my sister, who also is Bipolar, and has had a recent bout of severe depression and was out of work due to it. During that time, she failed to forget how much I was there for her, etc. Now, I am going through a time with depression emotionally, and the holidays always add anxiety issues for me. I e-mailed that to her, just asking her if the holidays 'bothered her', and in return she blasted me with the following crap:
1) 'I don't want nor need to be your cheerleader'
2) 'You need to get a life'- (I am not able to work due to the Bipolar illness. It has caused me to be disabled for right now- oh boy! And, she still refuses to understand that nor wants to understand the magnitude of how severe my illness is with it. Hers is not anywhere near to the capacity as mine is- and she should be thankful for that; but she is not. Instead, she would rather judge me; oh she is so merceful'.
3) 'What is your problem? I am trying to work on my family. You need to refocus on your life. - I have been. I just wanted some empathy from my sister; that was it. Nothing more than that. I didn't want to be scolded and that was what I got.
Why would she act like this? Part of it has to do with the fact I don't have to work even if I wanted to work. My husband is an executive at his company- however, that is something I have never rubbed in her face; ever. She, however, has a problem with it because she is always bringing it up constantly- and throwing it in my face; so it must bother her. If he didn't have a good job, I would qualify for disability for mental health issues. That is the severity of my illness; but she doesn't think I am that bad off- she isn't so why should i be?
I could go on, and on, and on. It is best I don't. She is my twin sister too. She hates me I think, and that is her problem. She is very jealous and that too, is her problem. I have problems focusing and concentrating during the daytime. Some days I only get 2 loads of laundry done due to anxiety and depression, some days, due to it, I get everything plus scrapbooking done. So, it is a very strange illness.
Due to her e-mail, it set off a very big trigger. Remember what I said that I am in
Remission? Well, remission means that one is not completely cured. I ended up binging this morning- and it has set me off over the edge. I stopped during the middle of the binge and realized what I was doing. It was awful. Then I called my DH and told him what I had done and was doing. He felt bad and told me that it was obvious why I did it.
Otherwise, I have had a rough week just in general with depression. The eating disorder has been in limbo. I think it was bound to hit a head sooner or later due to the holidays coming up. I never fair well with them. I've not been eating all that great. Plus, I haven't had time to exercise too.
That is frustrating.
I usually don't over eat at Thanksgiving. I get so nervous with having the dinner at my house that I almost puke anyway. It is a fiasco.
Sorry I've rambled so much. I need to get some things done here. Hope you are all doing okay. I will get myself pulled together.
Take care
Coffeegirl
You have a lot to be proud of, and you need to share with your mom how well you have been doing, even if she might think it is small stuff, tell her to you it is rather- big stuff; and it really is. If you cry and break down, it will then make her realize that you are very upset about this ED crap. She will get the point. 
Linear Mode
