I'm really confused- why do I do this kind of stuff?
I finally started eating somewhat normally... I gained a bit of weight but not a lot, and it seemed that my metabolism was actually stabilizing and my digestive system was finally WORKING correctly and that everything was finally going back to a somewhat "normal" state. I did gain as I said before but my weight actually leveled off and after gaining a mere five. Who would have thought? I don't "love" my new frame (then again I never have, even at my lowest) but I didn't hate it; coming from a body-dismorphic that's huge!
I don't know what went wrong, but I blew it. I stopped eating, and resorted to drinking juice, or "juice fasting" I guess. Now I don't know how to go back off of this fast... I don't know where to start. I'm terrified that I blew my metabolism once again and am going to have to start from square one, which makes me not want to get out of my fast at all.
The thing is, I had made a comment on another thread that some had found offensive about fasting. I totally believe in it and I know how healthy it is, but not for me or anyone else on this board. I know I'm not doing it for the right reasons and I am already underweight which makes it totally unhealthy... it makes me guilty and quite frankly, ****** off...
Does anyone else go through this kind of thing? Any ideas why I screwed up all of the positive changes I was making?!
When I was first trying to control my eating disorder I went through a similar thing. I too gained a little weight and my metabolism seemed to be levelling itself off; however, I got freaked out by the weight gain and resorted back to my old ways. It has been a real struggle, but you have to start eating many small meals during the day (not just 3 big meals at once). I know it is hard, but if you eat several tiny meals, your metabolism will level off. I was terrified of gaining weight too, but it is so important to be healthy. I would not say that you "screwed up all of the positive changes" you were making...I think that you just hit a little bump in the road. It happens. This is not an easy thing to work through, but you should be proud that you recognize where you went wrong, and now you need to continue to work on getting back on track. Remember that we are all here to support each other. There is always hope as long as you believe. Never give up on fighting your battle to overcome this disorder.