Hi Everyone. I'm a 38 year old happily married mother of 3 girls. In January 2005 I was fed up with being fat and frumpy so decided to get in shape for my own health. [removed] At first I did it sensibly but as the weight came off and people noticed and gave me 'feel good' comments I wanted more, I started to exercise to tone and cut back a little more on food. Then after a meal out with family I felt horrible and fat so I took a load of laxatives to rid my body of the food, that was the beginning of my trouble. [removed] I am scared to eat in front of my family and so I avoid it at all costs and we have a big family meal coming up soon for Mother's Day that is 4 courses and will involve sitting with 10 other people and I am scared stiff and have started to panic about it. I trigger to this was my lovely Mum being diagnosed with Breast Cancer last year, thankfully she is in full remisson now and several other things have happened since and I find controlling food is the only part of my life I do have any control over at all.
What can I do to try and feel 'normal' towards food again? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Last edited by mod-anon; 03-01-2007 at 12:45 PM.
Reason: edited triggering words
I would suggest going into treatment, if not inpatient treatment, outpatient treatment at least. It is essential to find someone with experience working with ED patients. Regular therapists can help you work through issues you may have with your mother's diagnosis, but they do not help much when it comes to ED issues. You need to look into finding a therapist who specializes in treating EDs along with a dietician who has experience working with ED patients. Perhaps there is an ED treatment center near you?
It really sounds like you are in a bad place and those habits are difficult to break especially the longer you carry them out. An ED is not healthy or normal and it makes you feel miserable and depressed. Since you have a problem abusing laxatives, you may have even more issues develop such as inability to have a bowel movement on your own leading to constipation which makes you want to take more laxatives. I would suggest going inpatient if it's at all possible.
You want to be healthy and happy and a good mom and role model to your children. Children are very perceptive, and they will start imitating your behaviors, and I know you don't want that for your girls.
It is possible to recover from a severe ED; I have been recovered from anorexia 5 years now. I won't say it's easy but the longer time goes by, the easier it gets. I still get the ED thoughts from time to time, the difference is that I do not act on them at all. It's also possible to break an exercise addiction which was the main symptom of my ED. It feels terrible at first not exercising, but you have to realize you are doing the best thing for your body. I exercise now for fitness, but it is NORMAL amounts of exercise. I take 1-2 days off each week and more if I need. I only exercise once a day when I do exercise and never for the length/intensity I did with the ED. It is a fraction of the time, and I enjoy exercising again, unlike when I was caught up in the ED and it was something I had to do every day, more like a chore and nothing I enjoyed.
Good luck to you! Please get some professional help.
Recovery is possible, and it is so worth it. My weight is low normal for my height now, and I still have body image issues, but at least I am happy and not feeling suicidal/depressed/wanting to self-harm, I'm sleeping again (did NOT sleep well with the ED), my skin has a nice healthy glow instead of being flaky & sallow, my hair is much thicker and shinier instead of falling out.
Really, you will never be skinny enough for the ED. That is what I learned. No matter how low the numbers go on the scale, the ED makes you want to see them even lower. So you can be super skinny and still feel fat and ugly (which I definitely did) and be depressed, miserable, obsessed with food, exercise, wasting money on diet pills & laxatives, losing your hair, horrible skin, exhausted all the time, not sleeping well, or you can be a normal weight with body image issues but feel happy most of the time (I've a few moody days each month but feel they are related to my menstrual cycle and are not true depression), have energy, and have time in your life for more than food & exercise. It really is worth it to recover. Now that I have beaten the ED, because it was so terribly difficult, I gained a lot of self-confidence and self-esteem. I feel like I can do anything now!