obsessed with weight - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

jleon · 03-05-2007, 10:16 AM

Please help! I have become obsessed with my weight and how my body looks. For most of my life I have worried about my weight and how my body looks, but for the last few months it has started to take over my mind and my life. I worry about everything I eat even if it's a carrot. Recently I have started to purge what I eat. This weekend I was so hungry I totally binged on all sorts of stuff and now I feel very guilty and I made myself purge. I eat healthy most of the time, but then sometimes I just get so hungry, I can't stand it and I binge on all this junk food. I know this is a bad cycle that is starting for me, but I don't know what to do to stop it. All I think about is food, food, food. My husband always tells me that I look great and he doesn't know why I diet. He has a great self-esteem and doesn't understand why I think the way I do about my body. Part of me just wants to enjoy life and eat good food and not worry about it. I don't want my life to be ruled by food. The more I think about food, the more I eat. I'm thankful for any advice!

livinTX · 03-05-2007, 10:39 AM

Have you thought about going into therapy, particularly with a therapist experienced in treating EDs?

It is definitely best to try to do something when you first notice there is a problem instead of waiting years and years and becoming more and more miserable.

Probably you are eating too little and then that in turn leads you to binge which leads you to purge, which is an endless cycle.

Once I recovered from my ED, I stopped thinking about food & exercise so much, which is a huge relief. I've been recovered 5 years now from anorexia, so, yes, it is possible to beat an ED, but I won't lie and say it is easy.

I still have body image issues, but I always did, even when I was so skinny I was having a lot of health issues and felt tired and like crap all the time. You can never be skinny enough for the ED.

I had to make a choice: be super skinny but still feel fat & ruled by food, be tired, weak, dizzy, hair falling out, skin flaky and sallow, heart palpitations, no menses (meaning I was at risk of developing osteoporosis), wasting so much time dieting and exercising or I could be a normal weight for my height with body image issues but otherwise mostly happy, energetic, skin glowing, and nice shiny thick hair and not wasting hours & hours a day on the stupid ED.

It is not easy, but it can be done. I still get the ED thoughts even after all this time, but I don't act on them, which is really the key. Please try to look into therapy because purging can have serious consequences on your health, including electrolyte imbalances that can lead to heart attacks, bad teeth, vomiting blood & an increased risk of throat cancer. Good luck to you! You can beat this!

Overcoming my ED gave me a huge boost of self-confidence and self-esteem. I feel like I can do anything now!

jleon · 03-05-2007, 03:35 PM

Congratulations on your recovery!

Thank you very much for your post. It was very encouraging. I have thought about trying therapy. I live in a small area where there aren't a huge amount of doctors. However, I think I will make an appointment with my regular dr. and see what she says and go from there.

I have one other concern. Should I tell my husband what is going on? I'm very afraid of what his reaction might be to my obsession with weight and body image. His former wife ended up having an eating disorder.

livinTX · 03-05-2007, 03:58 PM

I'm married, and, personally, I wouldn't want to keep anything like that from my husband. He knows I have struggled with anorexia in the past, and if ever I were sliding back, I would want his support, but that is just me.

You have to do what you feel is right for your marriage. Personally, I think keeping such large secrets could strain a marriage, but really, it is up to you. Was he supportive of his ex or was that the reason he left her? Or did he leave her because while she acknowledged she had an ED, she refused to get help or to try to do anything to change it? Still, if your husband can't be supportive of your getting help for an ED, it's likely not a strong marriage anyway.

It could be something you need think about though I do think that in the end, it would probably be best to tell your husband...get into therapy if you can and discuss it with your therapist to maybe come up with the best way to approach it with your husband.

jleon · 03-05-2007, 04:25 PM

My husband and his ex got divorced for a lot of reasons, but I'm sure her ED was one of his issues with her. I do not believe she got help. At the time when we talked about it, I could tell he really didn't want to talk about it, so I didn't press the issue and ask too many questions. My husband is very confident and has a hard time understanding why men and women struggle with self-esteem issues. It is just not in his frame of mind at all.

I think I will talk to my dr. first and discuss some ways to approach it with my husband. I think he would want to be supportive, but I'm not sure if he would know how to be emotionally supportive.

We have been married for almost three years and I think our marriage is strong. Like all couples we go through the ups and downs though.

Thank you for your input and help!