Hi Everyone,
I have a bit of a strange question. The way that I "recovered" from my eating disorder was by gradually adding more calories to my diet, without actually changing what I ate. When I was at my worst, I was surviving on very small quantities of fat-free foods. Adding more food did of course cause me to gain weight, and I am now at a healthy weight for my height and generally feel wonderful. I am no longer scared of social situations that might involve food, I can concentrate on my work and enjoy being with my friends. My question/problem is that, I eat the same exact (and I mean exact) foods everyday, and it is all very low in fat/fat-free. I eat tons and tons of food, so I'm never hungry and am definitely getting enough calories. However, I'm concerned about the fact that I can't seem to break away from my "safe" foods. The only time I get any variety is when I'm out to eat with friends -- strangely enough, I actually get excited for such events, because they mean that I am "allowed" to eat something different. I end up being bloated a lot of the time because a lot of what I eat is full of fiber (and low in fat), and nothing I eat tastes very good. So the way I feel is that I'm normal weight (no one would call me skinny) and often bloated -- I might as well be enjoying what I'm eating! In fact, logically, I'd be willing to bet that completely revamping my diet to include some healthy fats would allow me to fill up on less bulk, and end up feeling better about my body overall! I just have no idea how to go about doing this, and am nervous about it. I've come a long way in my recovery, and am ready to complete the process. Any thoughts?
I just gradually started adding foods that weren't on my "safe" list and foods I generally liked eating. Some of my ED foods didn't taste good at all and I persisted in eating them--case in point--fat free cheese--especially cheddar cheese tastes a lot better with a little fat, so I gradually moved to buying 2% cheese instead and sometimes the full fat version.
If I didn't like the taste of the food (if it was bland and tasteless), I just stopped buying it and started trying to substitute something I actually liked the taste of (whether it was full fat, reduced fat or not). My diet is still healthy generally, but I treat myself now with a couple pieces of chocolate a day, and I make a point to mix up my foods and not eat the same thing every day. Explore recipes and seasonings (don't become obsessive about it), but don't be afraid to try new foods too. And remember, this doesn't mean you have to go to eating total junk. Like I said, mostly I eat healthy, but I do experiment with recipes, cook different things, not get into a routine. I still eat plenty of fruits and veggies, though I have drastically reduced my lettuce intake and go for stuff with more flavor. Above all, I don't buy tasteless bland ED food (like plain rice cakes) that I don't really enjoy the taste of.
I found a lot of good recipes just searching online. I especially like cooking stir fries (cooked using olive oil which is a healthy fat) or Mexican foods (like fajitas); those are flavorful and I cook versions that are usually healthy. Above all, don't be afraid to experiment with new foods. It's not a crime to enjoy food. I was afraid to do this at first because I thought it might lead to bingeing, but for me, it never did. (I didn't have problems with bingeing though, mostly it was restricting).
Your response makes so much sense, and I would love to eat "normally", in the manner that you describe. When I was restricting, logic told me that what I was doing made no sense -- I was unhappy, low on energy, and hurting myself. Yet I couldn't get myself to stop. I hate that I'm in a similar situation now, and scared to venture out of my "comfort" zone. Logically, I know it will make me feel better and less "controlled" by my eating, to just eat a healthy variety of foods that I want to be eating, when I am hungry. Doing so will probably make me healthier and not really gain weight. Yet I am scared to make these changes, and am really mad at myself for feeling this way. Thank you for your advice cln -- I really admire what you are doing on these boards, and I know I am not alone in appreciating learning the opinions of someone who understands.
Hi Yellowbikini and CLN
I actually had a session with my dietician on wednesday and we had a similar discussion to this thread.
Going outside of your comfort zone will be hard at first, though slowly you will realise that even if you are having foods which contain fat - you will not gain weight. Ou bodies NEED fat in order to function properly, also, fat keeps us more full for longer. Yes, i understand that having fibre is great, though the ED can fool us into having these foods because they are healthier for us, though realistically - do you want to eat bland food for the rest of your life?
I certainly no that i dont.
Try and substutite fat free foods for normal foods - if you are a little freeked out, do it slowly - one food a day.
like this morning i had a full cream yoghrut instead of a ffree one - i dont feel as bloated and actually enjoyed it!
Life is to be enjoyed - not controlled
take care
love chookie
That's really interesting - I didn't realize I was doing this. I've eaten the same thing every day this week, and just thought I was eating these foods because I liked them.
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