I'd just really like someone to talk to if anyone shares this problem - I've been desperately dieting for about 15 months now, and lost a lot of weight, although am not classified as underweight for my height - and I have become completely addicted to food. I think about it all hte time - my eating has become so ridiculous, eating sometimes tiny amounts a day, then I completely lose it and binge, mainly at the weekend (this is written Sunday night and my stomach is full and bloated and I know it'll hurt tomorrow because I've eaten so much this weekend) and try to start dieting again on Monday. It's an exhausting cycle, it really is - and I chew and spit out food obsessively, becuase I can't help it. I have spent literally hours in the kitchen just grabbing food and chewing and spitting it out, and my tongue and mouth often burn because of all the salty/sugary things i'm chewing and I've developed redness at the corners of my mouth, but I cna['t stop doing it. I think about food all the time. Sometimes I don't spit out the food and just eat it, and genuinly lose all control - I've never told anyone - I think most of my friends and family gatherd I had a weight issue with losing so much weight, but no one knows about the binging and the chewing and spitting - but I really want to tell my best friend that I chew and spit to try and shame myself into stopping, because I have to stop - but I can't. I just have no control over my feelings towards food. Right now, my stomach is so full and my mouth is burning but all I want to do is go downstairs and eat.
Sorry this is so long, but does anyone else have these feeligns? I'm jsut so tired with thinking about food all the time and not being able to control myself around it. Just someone to talk to would be good.
Wow. I could have written your post word for word myself. It's horrible...the bingeing...isn't it?
Anyways, I'm almost positive that what your problem is is that your body is HUNGRY! I know first hand how addicting and "important" the weight loss can become...but if you are dieting too severely, your body becomes so hungry that it FORCES you to eat, whether you want to or not. I'll bet that if you told me what you eat everyday, I'd find that you are eating too little.
From an experienced point of view, please listen to me when I say that you. need. to. stop. restricting. your. food. intake. so. severely. (I know, easier said than done, right? >.<) But I used to be anorexic, but my body became so hungry that it forced me to eat, triggering a binge stage that even a YEAR after it started, it hasn't stopped. I've gained weight and I'm miserable.
Please, please, PLEASE try to do whatever you can to get this under control before it gets out of control. Have you considered seeing a therapist?
Well, I look forward to your reply and wish you the best of luck...
Thank you so much for replying - I have slipped into an ED over the last year - I started dieting in Februrary last year and got addicted to it and restricted my calories ridiculously, and punish myself after binging, but I cna't help it, which is why I came on here to try to get help. I did have counselling for a while but that didn't help, nad I can't afford therapy! The weirdest thing is that sometimes I don't actually want to recover - did you ever get that? That it consumes you so much you feel you'd miss it if you got over it? The whole thing's so convuluted and intricate - I almost feel like I'm perpetuating it sometimes just so that I become a psychological study for myself!
No problem at all ^.^ That's what these boards are for....
Anyways, to reply to your post:
YES!!! I have missed my ED on numerous occassions, I've wanted to keep it....like I want that control back, I want my old body back...if only I could survive on nothing like I used to be able to, everything would be alright...
...but I was finally able to break out of that thought cycle and tell myself the truth: Sure, I missed my old body....but I missed the old ME more. I missed not thinking about food 24/7, I missed not having to worry about what foods were in the pantry and how long I could hold out before I gave in and ate them. I had to choose between the ED or my freedom from that ED. I choose the latter and I'm working toward it now. It's hard, but it's worth it.
And about the dieting....I know how hard it can be to stop....I know how overpowering the desire to lose the weight is.....but I can tell you now with 100% certainty....If you DO NOT stop the dieting and start teaching yourself to eat normally (eat when you're hungry, stop when you're not...) then the dieting WILL cause more bingeing, because your body is hungry. After you binge, you will try to diet again to lose the weight you gained from the last binge. Then, so on and so forth. It'll become a vicious cycle that is so HARD to get out of. Please, please, PLEASE try to stop the dieting. I PROMISE that if you stop dieting, and start trying to eat as normally as you can, the bingeing will become less and less frequent.
And I'm sorry about the lack of a therapist. Mine was my saving grace.
As always, the best of luck