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Old 05-21-2007, 01:55 PM   #1
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Unhappy binge eating/C&S

Hello,

I am new to this site and am looking for suggestions and support.

I have always had issues with my weight and it is my natural frame to be 'heavier', but I still am dissapointed with the constant struggle to be happy with myself. Well, that aside, I have a terrible habit of binge eating/chewing and spitting out food. I love food...I feel like I need it all the time, but I chew it up in my mouth, savor the flavors, and then spit it out.

How do I deal with this? Any suggestions on how to overcome the incredible urge to constantly 'stuff my face'? I need help, I'm tired of the shame and want to be happy with myself.

Thank you very much.

 
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Old 05-24-2007, 08:54 AM   #2
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Re: binge eating/C&S

Binge eating is such a devious mischievous disorder. I have tried every suggestion mentioned and have managed to have my binge episodes farther and fewer between, however it always comes back and NEVER goes away. That's just it, it will NEVER go away. The only hope is that you learn how to manage it well.

Sometimes I just break down and cry because this disorder is exhausting. I pray for peace in my mind that is constantly stressed and thinking about food. Constantly having anxiety about food and worrying if I am going to binge or not. I am sick of it. It encompasses my life. And holding off a binge is soooo hard. When I want to binge and I dont, I am a miserable wreck, mean and moody. I hate to be like that to my loved ones. Then when i binge, I get high off of the food and I am pleasant as a peach. Then when the high is gone, there is the awful guilt and you beat the holy hell out of yourself.

Ah yes, I just love this disorder. It is a real blessing in my life. Obviously I am kidding. It is pure hell and I am growing very tired.

Does counseling help? In any event, I am just going to keep trying. That is all i can do.

 
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Old 05-24-2007, 01:46 PM   #3
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*Boo HB User
Re: binge eating/C&S

Hey guys... just letting you know that I know how you feel, if that helps any. I have trouble with binging too. I mainly restrict and sometimes I go months and months maintaining a very low calorie diet between binges, but then sometimes I go through phases where the binges are every other day. It's weird, because I can never ever predict when it's going to happen. It can be a day like any other, no emotional trauma, no extreme hunger and I'll walk into my kitchen and suddenly something snaps and I'm powerless. I'm very anxious about the foods that I eat and I can't bring myself to eat anything if I don't know exactly whats in it so I pretty much binge exclusively on stuff like muesli or bread and I'll keep going til it hurts. I've never been able to purge, so I just get so depressed that my day has been ruined in the space of what is sometimes just 20 mins or so.

I also feel like I will never be without my ED. I can't imagine a day when this thing doesn't control me. sometimes I feel like it's all that defines me, and thats the most depressing thought of all. But I'm determined to keep trying to beat it, all any of us can ever do is try. I know its hard but its worth it for the possibility that one day it just might be possible to lead a normal life and have a normal relationship with food.

 
Old 05-24-2007, 02:01 PM   #4
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Mina575 HB User
Re: binge eating/C&S

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Boo View Post
Hey guys... just letting you know that I know how you feel, if that helps any. I have trouble with binging too. I mainly restrict and sometimes I go months and months maintaining a very low calorie diet between binges, but then sometimes I go through phases where the binges are every other day. It's weird, because I can never ever predict when it's going to happen. It can be a day like any other, no emotional trauma, no extreme hunger and I'll walk into my kitchen and suddenly something snaps and I'm powerless. I'm very anxious about the foods that I eat and I can't bring myself to eat anything if I don't know exactly whats in it so I pretty much binge exclusively on stuff like muesli or bread and I'll keep going til it hurts. I've never been able to purge, so I just get so depressed that my day has been ruined in the space of what is sometimes just 20 mins or so.

I also feel like I will never be without my ED. I can't imagine a day when this thing doesn't control me. sometimes I feel like it's all that defines me, and thats the most depressing thought of all. But I'm determined to keep trying to beat it, all any of us can ever do is try. I know its hard but its worth it for the possibility that one day it just might be possible to lead a normal life and have a normal relationship with food.
I always feel like a freak, like this disorder is exclusive to me. I cant believe what I read in your post. You know exactly what it is like. My boyfriend, I try to explain to him what I go through and he is very supportive but he still does not understand it or what happens to me. One thing that I do is confess to him when I do binge. I tell him everything I ate and never try to be sneaky and lie about it. Somehow that makes me feel not so alone. He gets so frustrated and sad about my disorder. He doesn't want me to suffer any more. He wants to help me but it seems the disorder is so powerful. I heard that therapy does not work. I even read the book "How to overcome binge eating". Which at first after reading it I was inspired and ready to overcome. But surely enough, the binging resurfaces.

My biggest fear is becoming morbidly obese and bound to a bed, or getting diabetes. I feel like I am really abusing my body. It scares me that I binge eat. I would give anything, like you said, to have a normal relationship with food. Anything!

 
Old 05-26-2007, 08:45 AM   #5
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abbec HB User
Re: binge eating/C&S

I have bulimia to the binging and purging cycle is very very exhausting...what u explained m is exactly how i feel...holding off from binging is like trying to stop taking drugs or something i get shakey sooo moody depressed its horrible it just takes control of you!...i have been seeing a counciller for few months now and i wasnt sure if it was helping but my doc went away on holidays for month and i have relaspsed badly since then, i think its not having that person to talk to about these crazy thoughts and horrible feelings - talking to somebody makes it real and keeps you focused on the fact that it is a problem a serious disorder so you dont start hiding it and hiding in it again (binging etc) it gives u a chance to see what things work and wat dont and gives you the support the extra support you need a bit of guidance and it helps you discover in yourself why it happens and whats ur triggers etc...if u ever need to talk i understand exactly what u are saying please dont hesitate ive had trouble even on this sight finding people to reply so id love to be there for you if you want to talk

bec

 
Old 05-26-2007, 01:38 PM   #6
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Mina575 HB User
Re: binge eating/C&S

Quote:
Originally Posted by abbec View Post
I have bulimia to the binging and purging cycle is very very exhausting...what u explained m is exactly how i feel...holding off from binging is like trying to stop taking drugs or something i get shakey sooo moody depressed its horrible it just takes control of you!...i have been seeing a counciller for few months now and i wasnt sure if it was helping but my doc went away on holidays for month and i have relaspsed badly since then, i think its not having that person to talk to about these crazy thoughts and horrible feelings - talking to somebody makes it real and keeps you focused on the fact that it is a problem a serious disorder so you dont start hiding it and hiding in it again (binging etc) it gives u a chance to see what things work and wat dont and gives you the support the extra support you need a bit of guidance and it helps you discover in yourself why it happens and whats ur triggers etc...if u ever need to talk i understand exactly what u are saying please dont hesitate ive had trouble even on this sight finding people to reply so id love to be there for you if you want to talk

bec
Hello Bec, i am so happy to hear from you. I will take any encouragement and support I can get. I was fine all through my youth, but when my fathers alcoholism got out of hand when I was around 18 or so and next my parents got divorced is when I started bingeing. That was about 12 years ago. It has only gotten progressively worse. I am [removed] heavier than i was in highschool. All because of my dependence on food. What a nightmare. It has gotten better since I met my very supportive boyfriend. Today I was left home alone, and you know how precarious that is for a binge eater. I did not binge though, I avoided several attempts at bingeing. It was so hard that I cried and I had to go upstairs to sleep mid-day just so I could avoid bingeing. It is the hardest thing in the world for me to do. I feel like I get the same withdrawal symptoms a drug addict gets. What a burden in life to have. I have to look on the bright side. That is the only way I am going to make it through this. I really appreciate you listening. I consider it a gift.

Last edited by mod-anon; 05-26-2007 at 06:47 PM. Reason: edited triggering words

 
Old 05-27-2007, 06:27 AM   #7
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abbec HB User
Re: binge eating/C&S

Your so very welcome...i know exactly what you mean it gets so hard staying at home alone is the worst for binging...it makes me shake and i feel so out of control trying to hold back it makes me end up in tears most of the time because i cant believe what little control i have over my own mind and body since this problem has developed...its so hard to live with this because you take one step forward and three back but honestly the councilling does help...it makes you that little bit stronger to beat this..gives you abit more hope in what alot of the time feels like a hopeless situation!...thank you for writing back i have hardly found anyone to talk to and im so glad i can be here to help..you are far from alone! please dont hesitate to write anytime

 
Old 05-27-2007, 06:29 AM   #8
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abbec HB User
Re: binge eating/C&S

hey sunshine...i know the fear factor well and i am the same i will diet to unhealthy extremes to loose weight until i reach a goal and then il be so crazy to eat all the food i dont get to that you just slip back into binging it's very hard...anytime you need to talk please dont hesitate il be here!

 
Old 05-27-2007, 04:13 PM   #9
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abbec HB User
Re: binge eating/C&S

have you seen a counciller..i really think it helps and maybe a dietiation im starting this week ive gone to the gp to get my bloods done cos bulima deprives you of vitamins etc and im hoping to start seeing a dietitian this week..all i know is i didnt think the councilling was working but my docs been away for few weeks so ive seen nobody about this and i have relapsed so badly to a everyday basis again so i think that it really helps it gives you that extra strength and guidance which is really necessary cos i have no idea how to deal with this by myself..it helps you keep it out in the open cos when i dont talk about it i hide it and fall back into old habits..anytime feel free to write im here im online almost daily so feel free...take care

 
Old 05-28-2007, 03:30 PM   #10
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abbec HB User
Re: binge eating/C&S

Yesturday was the worst day...i was at work and one of the jerk guys came up to me and said infront of about 5 other people geeze you really can see that your putting on weight esp around your face...i just stood there and for the next hour at least was having a massive panic attack i felt like i couldnt breathe i was shaking and trying so hard not to cry i just couldnt believe 1. the reaction it had on me and 2. how far i really have to go with this and it just pointed out how i really am so tired of fighting it...my docs been away for few weeks and i cant get another appointment until the end of next month...that comment has just devestated me, ive recently gone from a very low weight where i was being told either put on the kilos or go to hospital to a now apprently according to everyone else normal weight (which is still under weight) but for me the personal struggle of having this weight on everyday is soooo exhausting i feel disgusting and actually think of myself and truely see a fat person even tho i know its not true its what this ED shows me...i have been fighting so hard to maintain the weight but that one comment has just ripped me i have been on the verge of tears all day and now im in the mind set of loosing the weight again and went to the gym for 2hours with hardly any food again (so dangerous!)...i just needed to blurt that to somebody because the silly remark keeps running through my head and has made me terrified to keep this weight on in case thats what everybody else thinks and my crazy ED self image is true...man i hate this makes me feel crazy sometimes...hope you dont mind listening to this..how are the rest of you? i hope going ok! thank you for letting me blubber

 
Old 05-29-2007, 07:06 AM   #11
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Mina575 HB User
Re: binge eating/C&S

Quote:
Originally Posted by abbec View Post
Yesturday was the worst day...i was at work and one of the jerk guys came up to me and said infront of about 5 other people geeze you really can see that your putting on weight esp around your face...i just stood there and for the next hour at least was having a massive panic attack i felt like i couldnt breathe i was shaking and trying so hard not to cry i just couldnt believe 1. the reaction it had on me and 2. how far i really have to go with this and it just pointed out how i really am so tired of fighting it...my docs been away for few weeks and i cant get another appointment until the end of next month...that comment has just devestated me, ive recently gone from a very low weight where i was being told either put on the kilos or go to hospital to a now apprently according to everyone else normal weight (which is still under weight) but for me the personal struggle of having this weight on everyday is soooo exhausting i feel disgusting and actually think of myself and truely see a fat person even tho i know its not true its what this ED shows me...i have been fighting so hard to maintain the weight but that one comment has just ripped me i have been on the verge of tears all day and now im in the mind set of loosing the weight again and went to the gym for 2hours with hardly any food again (so dangerous!)...i just needed to blurt that to somebody because the silly remark keeps running through my head and has made me terrified to keep this weight on in case thats what everybody else thinks and my crazy ED self image is true...man i hate this makes me feel crazy sometimes...hope you dont mind listening to this..how are the rest of you? i hope going ok! thank you for letting me blubber
The nerve of that waste of life to say something like that to you! I confront people when they say things like that to me. They dont get a way with it. If I were you I would have responded right then and there, "Do you think that comment makes me feel good?". Who the heck cares what people think. Just love yourself and have patience with your self. People with eating disorders tend to be perfectionists and VERY hard on themselves. I have had success this weekend. I made it through the barbecues and successfully did not binge. Relating to the people on this board is therapy in itself and has gotten me through this weekend. What has been helping me to stop a binge in its tracks is thinking to myself, "do you want to live? or do you want to die?" and that pretty much hits home for me and I stop! I am sorry for that rude insecure insensitive morons comment. Just take care of yourself and move on. He is nothing in your world.

Last edited by Mina575; 05-29-2007 at 07:07 AM.

 
Old 05-29-2007, 04:04 PM   #12
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abbec HB User
Re: binge eating/C&S

Thank you so much for replying it really helped...you are exactly right and he isnt even worth another second of my time....congratulations on your weekend success i am very glad to hear that, its such an empowering feeling when you are able to take control of this so i really admire your strength over the weekend! im hoping mine will come back, i didnt go to the gym yesutrday i made myself stay at home and i was able to walk out of the shops without buying all this junk food i put it back and that for me once ive slipped into binge mood is near impossible but i used your kind words and inspirational effort over the weekend and that jerks comment as ammo to walk away, it felt great to leave the food behind but i still got the shakes and incredibly anxious feeling etc for about 45mins afterwards which continued on and off til i went to bed, but i guess its all part of the fight...i just want you to know that the fact that you are replying to me is helping so much and i hope i am able to do the same for you..having a friend who completely understands every little feeling and thought means more to me than i can say so thank you for taking the time to care!

 
Old 05-30-2007, 07:07 AM   #13
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Mina575 HB User
Re: binge eating/C&S

Quote:
Originally Posted by abbec View Post
Thank you so much for replying it really helped...you are exactly right and he isnt even worth another second of my time....congratulations on your weekend success i am very glad to hear that, its such an empowering feeling when you are able to take control of this so i really admire your strength over the weekend! im hoping mine will come back, i didnt go to the gym yesutrday i made myself stay at home and i was able to walk out of the shops without buying all this junk food i put it back and that for me once ive slipped into binge mood is near impossible but i used your kind words and inspirational effort over the weekend and that jerks comment as ammo to walk away, it felt great to leave the food behind but i still got the shakes and incredibly anxious feeling etc for about 45mins afterwards which continued on and off til i went to bed, but i guess its all part of the fight...i just want you to know that the fact that you are replying to me is helping so much and i hope i am able to do the same for you..having a friend who completely understands every little feeling and thought means more to me than i can say so thank you for taking the time to care!
Oh Gosh! you are so strong! I know how it is once you slip into binge mode it is nearly impossible to stop, but you ripped yourself right out of it, you had the poison in your hand and you shoved it away! You are my hero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then to deal with that withdrawal is agonizing. Yes those shakes come and you feel nervous and besides yourself and just awful. But you beat it! That shows that there is hope and that you can do it. Yes it helps a ton to talk to someone who suffers equally. I know exactly what you go through and if I know you can beat it, then surely I can. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. One thing though, I never starve myself. I allow myself to eat whatever I want. The most important thing though and my sole goal for the time being is to NEVER binge. When I get that down, then maybe I can work on losing those last pounds. For now I am getting down how not to binge. One step at a time. I am glad to help you as you help me.

 
Old 05-30-2007, 03:45 PM   #14
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abbec HB User
Re: binge eating/C&S

good morning thank you for your lovely message made me feel really good that it helped you to! i have been reading and reading as much info as i can on this and i found these three steps delay distract and dont deprive it means when we feel like bingeing to delay and try and figure out the real problem behind it then to distract yourself for apprently at least 20mins (we know the urges go on for much longer) so like call a friend [removed], go for a walk, read, watch a movie or start a distraction hobby and make sure we keep our blood sugar levels up by eating enough decent food so not depriving ourselves...i had a relapse last night im not sure why but i guess ive proven to myself that i can fight through these uncontrollable urges the night before so i guess try try again it just gets exhausting everyday fighting with yourself but im determined to not let this ED take anymore control i want my life back and the old happy me and im willing to fight for that! you have no idea how much you replying is helping me so thank you very much for taking the time to do so ...i thought it was interesting the 3 steps so thought id share with you so thats my goal for today to try this new technique...have a lovely day

Last edited by mod-anon; 05-30-2007 at 09:17 PM. Reason: Please read the posting rules which explain that offering or asking off board contact is not permitted.

 
Old 06-01-2007, 07:11 AM   #15
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Mina575 HB User
Re: binge eating/C&S

Quote:
Originally Posted by abbec View Post
good morning thank you for your lovely message made me feel really good that it helped you to! i have been reading and reading as much info as i can on this and i found these three steps delay distract and dont deprive it means when we feel like bingeing to delay and try and figure out the real problem behind it then to distract yourself for apprently at least 20mins (we know the urges go on for much longer) so like call a friend [removed], go for a walk, read, watch a movie or start a distraction hobby and make sure we keep our blood sugar levels up by eating enough decent food so not depriving ourselves...i had a relapse last night im not sure why but i guess ive proven to myself that i can fight through these uncontrollable urges the night before so i guess try try again it just gets exhausting everyday fighting with yourself but im determined to not let this ED take anymore control i want my life back and the old happy me and im willing to fight for that! you have no idea how much you replying is helping me so thank you very much for taking the time to do so ...i thought it was interesting the 3 steps so thought id share with you so thats my goal for today to try this new technique...have a lovely day
Ah yes, the lovely relapse. That's gonna happen. I have a feeling that we kind of just have to wean ourselves off of bingeing. The binges will slowly become fewer and farther in between. The crazy thing is that you never know when it is going to suck you in. You could be feeling so positive and great one second and then BAM! next thing you know you are out of control again. Thats why I say this disorder is so devious and mischievous.

I am exhausted from fighting my urges and withdrawals to binge. It sucks the energy from me but it doesn't take my life. I am happy to fight it. So stressful though but then there is that great feeling of accomplishment and peace from letting yourself be, caring enough about yourself to not binge.

 
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