sabrina93

Im so confused. I don't believe that i have an eating disorder yet certain things make me think i have. I havent been to my doctor as im kind of dreading what she will say. I had been struggling with my weight for years and years and always felt miserable about how fat i was. Even now alot of the time i find it difficult to go out due to feeling that im too fat. At the beginning of this year i made a new years resolution to stop crash dieting as i had been doing for years and eat a healthier diet.However, soon i started to lower and lower my calories and it came to the point when i barely aet. I feel almost scared to eat things sometimes and hate eating things which dont have the calories/fat stated on the label. I have lost alot of weight since January and my bmi has gone from being overweight to underweight. I now have a lowish bmi [removed] yet i want to lose alot more weight, i still feel and look very fat. No matter how many people tell me that im thin and how theyre shocked at how much weight ive lost, i still look at myself and feel too fat.Compared to others i look huge. I now am eating a healthy diet but my calories are still very low to how much they should be. I now fit in the smallest clothes in shops yet still want to get thinner and feel dreadfull if i dont lose weight. All this makes me think that i have a eating disorder, yet i dont over-exercise, i dont fast, ive never purged and dont take laxatives. Also, i dont want to be skin and bone, i just want to be thin and toned. I hate the fact that my life just seems to revolve around food and calories.
I have realised that the side-effects of my eating habits are wrecking my body, yet im not anorexic. Nor am i horribly thin. Im just medium.
I have fine hair covering my stomach and legs - just like anorexics. I dont have periods anymore - i havent had them since February so its been about 6-7 months. I have horrible eyebags due to insomnia.I have constipation which ive had for ages.
Im really confused, i seem to have symptoms of the illness, yet i really dont have the mentality that anorexics have. i dont want to starve myself to death.