01-06-2008, 03:23 PM
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Birmingham, UK
| | Re: Don't know where I belong anymore...
just to say that i've been welcomed and helped so so much by people on this board, so don't worry hun..
your story sounds very similar to mine, relapses are incredibly unsettling and i've found that they destroy my confidence when i give in to my ED again..i want to be stronger, but am not in a position right now to fight with all my strength...it always gets the better of me..maybe you can relate to that a bit? you are not alone with any of the things you write, believe me.
in terms of control, i can completely understand what you say. i'm in my final year at college and the stress is so intense that the way i control it, or release stress when things go wrong, is to binge and purge. you say 'clean'..do you mean you haven't b/p for 2 weeks? that's a really positive thing, but the fact that you say you're unstable is worrying, would you consider going to a GP? it really might help you, if nothing more than to tell someone your story and get it off your chest? it's a huge step, but one that i really benefitted from...i too, was annoyed by my therapist and it got to the point where i refused to go back, but now...about a year on, i've realised that i need help and they are definitely people who can give it to you.
in my opinion, no one wants to be 'worthy' of being eating disordered, and although there are ways that drs can 'diagnose' an eating disorder, anyone with a problem with food that's significant to the extent that it interferes with their life in a big way, has a problem...whether or not you have an eating disorder or not, i'm not in a position to judge or anything.. but it sounds like you need help if you're using food to control stress etc..
hope that helps a little, sorry it's a bit rambly..keep on fighting babe,
love lilly xXx
when life gives you 100 reasons to cry, show life you have 1000 reasons to smile