I have come on this site sort of seeking help, as I don't really know who else to talk to about it....
I've always been overweight, even as a child, and I've always over ate, its always something I've been quite ashamed of, I'm not sure if what I had was binge eating disorder or compulsive overeating, but I've always ate in secret and in large amounts, I felt unable to control what I was eating. Due to all this I've always had really low self esteem, and I've always been trying to diet, you name the diet, I've done it!
About 2 months ago, I started to purge what I was eating, I saw it as an easy option to get whatever I ate out of my body, I feel a sort of high whenever I purge and I've lost weight, I don't think I'm bulimic because I don't binge eat anymore, basically whatever I eat I get back up, even if its a normal amount of food, for example yesterday I had a sandwich for dinner and I threw it up imediately after, I just don't know what to do, I know what I'm doing is wrong and damaging to my body, but after years and years of dieting and being depressed over my weight, I feel this is the only way I can control my eating habits, if I stop I will just start binge eating again, I'm too scared to tell anyone and I don't really want to go and see a doctor, I really just don't know what to do
I don't think I'm doing this because of depression or anything like that, I just hate the way I am so much, I've dieted all my life, and it all got too much so I started to purge, and now I don't seem to be able to stop
I think I'm getting a bit out of control, I know I need to tell someone but I feel so guilty and ashamed of what I've been doing