Am I the only Bulimic???????? - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

17years · 06-17-2008, 10:30 PM

Although all of the posts I read seem very supportive of one another, it seems most are recovering anorexics afraid of returning to "normal" weight...

Well, I have been bulimic for 17 years and not to trigger anyone, but I am "normal" weight....

SO, can anyone understand MY fear of gaining weight as I will no longer be "normal" weight once I "recover" from my bulimia????????

I honestly don't believe in recovery as it is a lifelong battle! It seems there will always be a relapse! I feel like eating disorders are the toughest addictions to battle because we are surrounded by food everyday and NEED food to survive! We don't NEED alcohol or drugs!?

I have a history of going to therapists and tried leaning on friends for support when I was in high school...nothing has worked for me because I haven't found anyone who can really relate...Bulimics anyone??? I would really like some advice or insight to this aggressive battle!

Thank you!

17years

brokenchild · 06-18-2008, 08:49 PM

you shouldn't gain weight when you recover. some bulimics lose weight in recovery as they are no longing bingeing.

17years · 06-18-2008, 09:48 PM

Yes, you are right. I guess what I failed to communicate was the fact that I am also addicted to a certain medication (not to trigger anyone) and now it no longer works for me as I have developed a tolerance. So, I have really tampered with my metabolism - going from barely eating to binge/purge. So, if I were to start eating "sensibly" I would automatically gain weight as I am not used to keeping nourishment inside my body...

Thank you for your reply.

17years

ASDGRMama · 06-19-2008, 09:51 AM

I have struggled with ED for almost 17yrs and spent most of that time as a normal weight bulimic. My method of purging was not vomiting though (although I have purged that way during my struggles with anorexia).

My first bout with anorexic behavior was 5 years ago...it lasted only 6 months but it was a very dark time for me. It scared me badly and I spent 3yrs ED-behavior free. After I gave birth just over a year ago I relapsed and have been again battling anorexia.

For 3 consecutive months in the last year things were going wonderfully. I was eating well and had gotten back to a normal weight. Then the graduation open houses, birthday partys, and weekend cook-outs hit. I started bingeing (I tend to cope with social anxiety by eating)...which eventually led to purging.

When my weight started to climb over my lowest "healthy" BMI I panicked and am again underweight and heavily restricting.

I agree EDs are difficult because we're surrounded by food and to maintain health we NEED it. I have 6 kids and due to some of them having low blood sugar tendencies they eat every 2-3hrs (3 regular meals and 3 snacks). Even without an ED my whole life often revolves around food. Most of my day is either buying it, cooking it, serving it, or cleaning it up!

I can relate to the quick gaining when starting to eat again. I gain quickly and easily also. It shows up on my body within a week of eating normally and I have gained enough to know the gain doesn't stop even when I'm well above the median of my healthy weight range.

Something to consider is seeing a dietician and personal trainer. I know it's difficult to find the time and muster up the courage and energy but it might be worth it. I'm considering it for myself. I don't lack motivation to exercise but I lack accountability to eat well and the knowledge of proper exercise technique and amount (it's all become so muddled...I can't seem to see exercise in a rational way anymore).

I hope you're able to feel supported here. Even if you were the only bulimic on these forums, you're not alone in the ED struggle. Quite frequently the mental, emotional, and spiritual roots of ED are the same regardless of the behavior manifestation.

(((HUGS)))! My heart goes out to you, praying for health and wellness for you!

Love, Kelly

mom1999 · 06-28-2008, 01:19 PM

No, you are not the only bulimic!!!

I am a bit above weight bulimic, and I've been doing this for at least 15 years. I'm so sick of it. I've tried everything--inpatient, outpatient, medications, you name it. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of it.

I have three daughters and I don't want to pass my unhealthy behaviors to them. Don't quite know what to do. Not sure what I can write on this board without triggering anybody, so I won't write much. I am terrified of ballooning into a blimp. I feel very hopeless.