Of course you are.
If its been a problem for that long, and if your scared of eating
because of your fear of gaining weight I'm almost positive you have
a pretty severe eating disorder.
Forcing your self to eat when you fist start recovery is always really scary.
But you have to think about your health, and how much happier you will
be once your world doesn't revolve around food anymore. Eating disorders
take away so much of your life, with all of the obsessing, and restricting.
I wish you luck.
And get better!