I swear, I have been in recovery for many years (maybe 9 now?) and don't plan on relapsing ever, but I always HATE it when the new year and new year resolutions roll around.
It always brings some part of the feelings of the ED back to me
It seems like everyone is on a new diet to lose weight, eat less carbs, exercise more, etc. Just watching 30 minutes of TV, I saw at least 3 ads for weight loss products and diet programs. I tried to watch a morning news show and of course one of their segments is on dieting and losing weight in the new year. I went to the gym this morning (I usually go to walk on the treadmill or lift weights, it keeps my panic disorder in check and keeps me off Xanax), and the gym is packed with people starting new diets and of course it doesn't help that the gym is running a promo in the new year to recruit more customers and people are taking advantage of it. The trainers at the gym are in everyone's face about weight loss and training. Now granted, many of these people do need to lose weight, but I hate seeing so much diet and exercise info thrown in my face.
I don't know, it's something like I feel everyone is dieting and trying to lose weight, now I should too? It's sad but true.
By the end of January, this feeling tapers off and I go about the rest of the year pretty much fine.
I have no desire to fall back into the ED trap. I know my weight is fine. I'm healthy and happy, but I always feel guilty this time of year when I eat treats or fast food even though I really do want it and can eat it without it having much of an impact on my weight.
The 1 upside to this year is that I'm still breastfeeding my daughter (I made my BF'ing goal of 1 year and hope to make it to 2 years if she doesn't self-wean in the meantime) and I need the calories and healthy fats to keep my milk supply up, not to mention I'm chasing a toddler around all day, so honestly, I have to eat tons of calories to keep my weight up if I want to exercise at all. I don't weigh myself but go more by how my clothes (NOT a size 0 by any means, and I'm OK with wearing the size I do) are fitting.
I don't know what the point of this post is really, just needing to vent. Physically & behaviorally, I've been over the ED many years, but sometimes mentally it still throws me for a loop.