Join Date: Jan 2005
Eating disorder & many other problems-
First and worst, I have an eating problem where I eat nothing or 1 small thing per day (otherwise my stomach bothers me), OR I binge at night and then fast the next day. It's a combination of wanting to lose weight, feeling physically sick and stressed, and helpless with nothing else to turn to. Anyway, I try REALLY hard to avoid or get rid of this quite often, but can't.
Onto the next part: I've had different problems for a while, but they were all manageable. For one, I was always a slightly anxious and shy person, so making friends was a little hard and as a teen, I had some troubles with depression. Well, I kind of got an eating disorder when I was mid to late teens, with obsessing over exercising because I always thought my legs were fat even though I was under weight (I'm still convinced they were/are). I obsessively exercised for a while there, which wasn't too bad, but then I started getting very upset and I would cope by eating for a long time/eating a lot, then exercising to the point of where I would injure my muscles, raise my heart rate too high too fast, etc. pretty much until I cried, usually in the middle of the night.
I don't know if that was before or after my dad died, but he suddenly died half a year ago. It was my first time away at college (as a transfer student) and we went home for break, he was fine, then it literally went from that to him being in a coma and dead the DAY I went back to school after break, because he died from a sudden illness, I won't give all the details here but basically he died from nothing other than possible malpractice because they let him stop breathing and didn't save him the proper way, so under a doctor's care (after already going to work that morning) he just.. didn't breath for 10 minutes, then his brain was dead and he was in a coma and I came home and we had to pull the tube, then I went right back to school because my mom made me.
Anyway, I couldn't cope with school, so I came home every weekend, sorta lost my friends or distanced from them, feel suicidal, and eat until my stomach is in horrible, horrible pain, where I can barely breath, then fast. I actually lost weight (already was underweight, too) even with the bingeing. I have constant stomach pain, feel depressed, sad, anxious, upset, and suicidal most ofthe time, even though I try SO hard to make things better. I feel like I'm constantly lookingforaway to make things better, but the only ways that work are the eating while escapting to a favorite tv show while everyone's asleep, until I feel very very sick, OR not eating for a long, long period of time, or sleeping for a long, long perod of time, or taking meds that make me dazed and sleep, and that's pretty much it. I try other things but they don't really work. These things do, but they're bad things and I'm sick of it. Please help even if you just have little advice you're not sure about, anything I really appreciate. Thanks.