kilgore52

Yes, I understand what you are saying. I had a hard time from girl to woman. With controlling parents and low self esteem, the one thing that I could have control of was bullima. It was so easy for me and the more that I consumed sugar, the happier I was and throwing up was so easy to get rid of it. It was my secret and no one knew. One day as I was throwing up, I noticed that this time I had blood coming up too. It was an eye opener for me and now I knew that I would kill myself by continuing to do this to myself. I was too smart and strong to let this happen to me. Besides, I was ruining my looks and teeth plus wasting so much time. The high that I got from sugar was not enough to change my loneliness and unhapiness with myself. I got a therapist to help me see what I needed to do before it was too late. It was a long process for me , but I realized that I was just trying to somehow medicate myself. The reality was that I couldn't find myself and i felt inadequite. My game was over and I had to grow up and accept my fears. I was not abused by anyone except myself. I was really good at that. So my dear, your cry is a great step for you and i hope that you get help before you drown in self destruction.