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Old 03-23-2010, 04:43 AM   #1
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HiediLynn HB User
Is this purging disorder?

Without sharing my life story.. I have been struggling with this for about 3 1/2 years. The very first time I purged I did it to relieve pressure from eating too much. It got worse in the summer though from pressure to be thinner from friends. After a while, it developed more as a stress relief like when I was angery or sad I turned to vomitting to make it better; like the whole world around me was crashing but it's ok because I still have control over my body- it was like personal time to be alone with no one to tell me I'm wrong. This is how it was for quite some time and durring this time I reached out to many many people making it look like I didn't have a problem. Many times I was accused of doing this for attention. Then, I denied it but now I can honestly say that I was looking for sympathy I just wanted people to feel bad for me it's how I know that they cared but I never got that satisfaction- people always told me to talk to my parents and get professional help. Well I didn't listen And now for the past 6 months I have been purging to get the access weight off I'll eat some food to make people think I'm healthy and then throw it all up as soon as I get to a bathroom. But the thing is I only do it for about 2 consecutive weeks and not purge again for like 2 months. And it's just a horribly vicious cycle. I've done a lot of research on purging disorder and I haven't found anything like this. It makes me feel like I don't really have an eating disorder I feel like it's just something I do to make me feel in control and recently to lose weight but in saying that I don't have an ED now I feel like I'm in denial.. So can anyone explain to me what it is I'm dealing with here? I am going to counseling and since I stared it's been waay worse I'm going on 3 weeks now I have no idea how much weight I've lost because my counselor told my mom to take the scale away and start me on this awefull eating plan. I feel so scared and controled I'm afraid to face the day not knowing how much I weigh I feel like I need to hold onto this more because they're trying to take it away from me. I wanted to get better 2 weeks ago but now I'm fighting to not let it go. I want to get better but I dont want to give them their satisfaction I want to be in control of my own life I want to want to stop this but they're forcing me and it's making it worse. What is this??

 
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Old 03-26-2010, 04:04 PM   #2
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aileb HB Useraileb HB Useraileb HB Useraileb HB User
Re: Is this purging disorder?

Purging disorder is a fairly new diagnosis but it's when you don't binge before thowing up and their is not set number of times per week or frequency that is use to determine this.

It's not anorexia, bulimia or EDNOS so I can understand that you feel like you don't have a eating disorder. But why would you want to feel like you have an eating disorder?

Right now, an eating disorder has not completely taken over your life and destroyed your health. You are able to stop for a couple of weeks.

People with full blown eating disorders can't turn this off-it's a 24 hour torture. It destroys lifes, careers, families etc. and when you want to recover it takes years!

"I'm fighting to not let it go. I want to get better but I dont want to give them their satisfaction"

Are you really willing to develop a mental disorder just so that you can get back at your parents for taking away your scale?

Step back and think about the logic in that sentence: They took away my scale so I am going to (Self-harm) by holding on to my eating disorder to get back at them.


"I want to be in control of my own life I want to want to stop this but they're forcing me and it's making it worse"


The percentage of people who are able to self-recover from a full blown eating disorder is very small-their is usually so much physical and mental damage that most people relapse. This isn't a broken arm that just needs time to repair; it's a mental disorder.


If you want to stop but you are at the point where you can't then you need help.

Being forced to work a program and follow a meal plan doesn't feel good but if you have tried to get better on your own and it didn't work out-accept the help.



What is this??


Right now, you are at the point where you can work on getting better and move on and forget.

It could also be the start of a more serious problem like bulimia.


Put yourself in your parents shoes-your making your sick and they trying to protect you so they took away your scale and they are asking you to go to counseling.


Is what they are doing so bad that you are willing to hold and/or develop a full blown eating disorder? (There is no going back -at least, without professional help once you develop bulimia.)


That's the thing with eating disorders; they're progressive; you tell yourself that you have control and you start off with something small and then it turns into something more serious that you can't stop or forget.

Please accept the help before it takes over and ruins your life.

Last edited by aileb; 03-26-2010 at 04:41 PM.

 
Old 06-09-2010, 04:53 PM   #3
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strawberryhrs HB User
Re: Is this purging disorder?

I think that you and I might be in the same boat. Except I do not live with my mom. I am near 30. When I was 16 I started as trying to keep weight off (even though I was tiny). But at some point it changed into something that when life gets very difficult I find that my stress releif is getting sick. it is like I can push all the bad out of my body and it makes me feel calm and secure. This usually goes on for a few months and then goes away for a while. Sometimes a year goes by before I get sick again. I don't think that I can help you and say if it is really a problem or not or what it is if it is a disorder. I just got a warm 'I am not alone feeling' reading your post so I wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Last edited by strawberryhrs; 06-09-2010 at 04:54 PM.

 
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anxiety, eating disorder, purging disorder, stress



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