I calculated my BMI to be <low> and I have been in two programs this year alone. but I would like to know if my BMI went below <that> what are the dangers. <edited>
I have had anorexia on and off for 18 years and I do not want to let go knowing I have so much beauty in my life. My husband and children and extended family.
My BMI was <even lower> five months ago and I am angry with myself for allowing the gain due to me being in a clinic.
I want to get my BMI low again but I am scared at the same time knowing my current BMI as well as losing my family. The push and pull effect that will affect everything in my life but I just can't give up.
I am capable of letting go of my dysfunctional pas but not my eating disorder.
What do I do? Please can you help me before I destroy my life any further?
Last edited by mod-anon; 08-17-2010 at 07:31 AM.
Reason: edited triggering passages
They took out your BMI so I don't know how low you want to go but i'm assuming it's enough to put you below the anorexic BMI category.
I kept mine below the anorexic BMI category for 6 years and almost all of my health problems occured during and after recovery.
Gaining the weight back caused lot's of digestive problems because I also abused laxatives. It also took a toll on my heart and I felt really tired. I was surprised to learn that more people with anorexia die of heart attacks when they go through recovery (this fact has kept me too scared to relapse).
Everyone is different but for me (I had these problems during recovery):
gall bladder removed
low blood pressure
gastritis (irritation of the stomach lining caused by the stress of recovery)
I also had the typical health problems caused by a low BMI: purple nails, hair loss, feeling really cold, irrational thinking, dry skin etc...
After 18 years, has your health been damaged too?
I was scared to let go of this disease because I had these questions and thoughts in my head: If i'm not anorexic then who am I? "If I let go of my anorexia, I am going to lose control." I also could not remember what it was like when I was not anorexic. How did I cope?
I am going through counseling and learning to seperate myself from the disorder. I have these CBT strategies that i'm suppose to use daily that are also helpful.
I know that it's not easy. We can't decided to get better for our family or for other people. Full recovery is one of the hardest things you are going to do. DON'T do it for your kids or the hubby because recovery is not a straight line. Their are times that you are going to have setbacks. (if you do it for your kids and the hubby, the setbacks are going to make you feel like you let them down.)
In the show intervention, they always say that recovery is a gift. Can you look at it that way? Recovery is a gift that you are giving yourself.
I had to hit bottom and lose my job, health, and friends to decide to get better.
I am no longer in the anorexic weight category because I had to gain weight during recovery. I am still struggling because I am not use to being in the "normal" weight category.
In the beginning, I was also angry. Sometimes, I still am. But now that I have been in recovery for a couple of months, there are whole days, when I don't have eating disordered behaviors and it feels really good.
It's been a couple days since you posted. Are you still feeling like you want to get lower?
Last edited by mod-anon; 08-21-2010 at 11:50 PM.
Reason: removed quote
The Following User Says Thank You to aileb For This Useful Post: mjpd (01-23-2012)
Thank you so much for your response. Yes, my BMI is in an underweight range and I know this is not healthy nor good for me but I am struggling to maintain, it feels like she is stronger an a winner at her own game.
I have many side affects of this disorder - heart arrythmia, oestoporosis, low fat percentage. Bruising, low sodium levels and many more.
- know I do not want to die trying to be thin!
__________________ In small proportions we just beauties see, in small measures life my perfect be!
It's good you are admitting you have this incling to drop back down- and after 18 years it sounds to me like your a fighter, and whilst thinking about your family and your health- ur not giving in without a fight this time either. Yes, with health comes the ability to be there for your family, and enjoy the important things in life. Your mind is in a good place for recovery. Low BMI may be familiar, confortable and not just about being thin- maybe you should ask yourself what it means to you, and is it worth the potential halth problems previously mentioned?
I know it's not as esy it sounds-but thinking about the benefits to your health by maintaing wieght and reminding urself everyday ur most beautiful at the weight u were intended to be, will start to become your automatic thoughts.
I know how hard it is cos I have been there myself- but deep down there is always that little voice still there that says- no this is wrong, don't let it get you- which is how I know i will keep fighting it however long the fight may be.
I wish you all the best, and keep strong and remember the BMI index is numbers and a low number can never determine your true beauty. When you feel strong and healthy and happy- that certainly can!
Lots of love.