Hi feelinglost - I am SO sorry to hear that this is happening in your life right now. What an awful, awful thing to deal with.
When I was 16, I noticed that my love of sweets was catching up to me. I too played basketball, but the exercise was not keeping the weight off. So, I decided to stop eating. I tried to eat less thn 700 calories per day, but after a few months, I couldn't resist food anymore, so I binged one day and tried to throw it up. Throwing up did not come easy for me at first, but in time, it became a bit easier. So, in my last year of high school, I was a full blown bulimic. It was awful. I tried so hard to hide it from everyone. I lied to my parents and brothers like crazy. I'm sure they knew, because my appearance was changing and my behavior was way off. Food would go missing. I'd get accused of it, but I'd lie, lie, lie. Once in a while, when I'd be caught in a weird situation (like my parents finding food in my room), they'd say to me "what is wrong with you??!! You need help!!" But they never went further than that. Often, the pressure and concern from parents and people around you, only sufficates you more and pushes you deeper and deeper into the disorder. Will your daughter admit that she has a disorder? If she hasn't come to you first, I don't think you should push her into anything. If my parents had thrown me into seeing a psychologist about it when I wasn't ready, I'd hate them too! This is my advice. Tell her that you're so sorry for trying to get her to see a psychologist when she didn't want to. Tell her, that you love her and that helping her is just an instinct. But, you can see that pushing her to get help is not something that feels right for her. So, you're going to back away. If she doesn't want to see a psychologist, tell her she doesn't have to. But do tell her, that if she ever wants to talk to you about it...you will be there to listen. This is something you will never understand, but this is no ones fault and things will get better. She needs hugs, she needs you to back off and she just needs you to hold her. She doesn't want advise! She wants to know that you love her, that she is not a weirdo and that you two can still laugh and have fun together. Because yes, she is struggling with something deep right now, but it is not all of her....and she still wants to smile. Please try that. Sometimes I look back and wonder what I wish my mom would have done. Sometimes, when I was sad or throwing a fit and slamming my bedroom door, I wish she slipped a note under my door that said "I love you and always will." Period. That's all I wanted to hear. Don't get mad at her. Just let her know you love her, spend time with her, and laugh lots
I hope this helps