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Old 12-05-2010, 08:36 PM   #1
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feelinglost HB User
concerned mom

My husband and I recently brought my daughter to a eating disorder specialist. She was not happy about going but did not have a choice because her eating disorder was getting out of control. Her doctor wants her to go to a counselor once or twice a week, and continue seeing him on a monthly basis. He told my daughter that he would not hesitate pulling her from basketball or putting her in the hospital if she continued to spiral out of control. This was about two weeks ago...... Now out of the blue, she told me that she wants to go and live with her dad......she currently lives with me and her step dad. She has always said that she would never live with her dad.

Is it possible that she is doing this to avoid getting help for her eating disorder?? I have read about the power of the "voices" leading to withdrawal from family members that are trying to help?? Is this true?? Could she be trying to run away from help??

 
Old 12-06-2010, 03:45 AM   #2
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Re: concerned mom

she could be. im not a mom or anything im only 16, but its posable. with my sister when my mom tried to get her help (tho it wasnt with an eating disorder) she wanted to go live with my dad and did for a long time, she came back alot worse that she was before. and she too said she would never live there again, and when my mom started getting her help again she kept saying she wanted to go live there again because she thought she could still be in control and manipulate, only she was no longer alowed over at her dads.

 
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Old 12-06-2010, 09:07 PM   #3
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Re: concerned mom

Yes, she is probably doing this to get out of treatment. She probably feels powerless and angry because she does not want to give up the disorder. She is hoping to create enough tension between your ex husband and you until one of you backs down. The malnourishment causes behavior changes. People can become obsessive, withdraw, have black and white thinking, mood swings, become violent etc..

Last edited by moderator2; 12-07-2010 at 06:52 AM.

 
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Old 12-11-2010, 06:18 AM   #4
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Re: concerned mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by feelinglost View Post
My husband and I recently brought my daughter to a eating disorder specialist. She was not happy about going but did not have a choice because her eating disorder was getting out of control. Her doctor wants her to go to a counselor once or twice a week, and continue seeing him on a monthly basis. He told my daughter that he would not hesitate pulling her from basketball or putting her in the hospital if she continued to spiral out of control. This was about two weeks ago...... Now out of the blue, she told me that she wants to go and live with her dad......she currently lives with me and her step dad. She has always said that she would never live with her dad.

Is it possible that she is doing this to avoid getting help for her eating disorder?? I have read about the power of the "voices" leading to withdrawal from family members that are trying to help?? Is this true?? Could she be trying to run away from help??

Hello feelinglost,

Knowing that one has an eating disorder and discussing issues that may have caused this are two different extremes.

I do believe that therapy is the way to go but it only works if a person is willing to be open and brutally honest.

This,in and of itself,can take some time and if she has issues of trust,it can take even longer.

It seems that she doesn't appreciate the intrusive means of the specialist;denying gratuity if she is non-compliant.

The fact that you intervened on her behalf may be unsettling to her;Even if she doesn't verbalize it,her actions may speak volumes.

Basketball may be her only "avenue of normalcy" if you will.The concept of team has been known to bring about comradery,while also offering comfortability.

The info from aileb and MandaLynn94's sister's experience are priceless....

I am in agreement with them,with respect to your daughter.

May she receive the help she is required to.

Respectfully Phoenix

Last edited by Phoenix; 12-11-2010 at 06:20 AM.

 
Old 01-01-2011, 10:02 PM   #5
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Re: concerned mom

Hi feelinglost - I am SO sorry to hear that this is happening in your life right now. What an awful, awful thing to deal with.
When I was 16, I noticed that my love of sweets was catching up to me. I too played basketball, but the exercise was not keeping the weight off. So, I decided to stop eating. I tried to eat less thn 700 calories per day, but after a few months, I couldn't resist food anymore, so I binged one day and tried to throw it up. Throwing up did not come easy for me at first, but in time, it became a bit easier. So, in my last year of high school, I was a full blown bulimic. It was awful. I tried so hard to hide it from everyone. I lied to my parents and brothers like crazy. I'm sure they knew, because my appearance was changing and my behavior was way off. Food would go missing. I'd get accused of it, but I'd lie, lie, lie. Once in a while, when I'd be caught in a weird situation (like my parents finding food in my room), they'd say to me "what is wrong with you??!! You need help!!" But they never went further than that. Often, the pressure and concern from parents and people around you, only sufficates you more and pushes you deeper and deeper into the disorder. Will your daughter admit that she has a disorder? If she hasn't come to you first, I don't think you should push her into anything. If my parents had thrown me into seeing a psychologist about it when I wasn't ready, I'd hate them too! This is my advice. Tell her that you're so sorry for trying to get her to see a psychologist when she didn't want to. Tell her, that you love her and that helping her is just an instinct. But, you can see that pushing her to get help is not something that feels right for her. So, you're going to back away. If she doesn't want to see a psychologist, tell her she doesn't have to. But do tell her, that if she ever wants to talk to you about it...you will be there to listen. This is something you will never understand, but this is no ones fault and things will get better. She needs hugs, she needs you to back off and she just needs you to hold her. She doesn't want advise! She wants to know that you love her, that she is not a weirdo and that you two can still laugh and have fun together. Because yes, she is struggling with something deep right now, but it is not all of her....and she still wants to smile. Please try that. Sometimes I look back and wonder what I wish my mom would have done. Sometimes, when I was sad or throwing a fit and slamming my bedroom door, I wish she slipped a note under my door that said "I love you and always will." Period. That's all I wanted to hear. Don't get mad at her. Just let her know you love her, spend time with her, and laugh lots
I hope this helps Good luck...

 
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