I have been on a weight rollercoaster for the last 6 years, I was anorexic for awhile and then started to get into weight lifting and began eating healthier.
However during all of this I would have episodes of binging, in which I have cravings I can't control and once I give into them I cannot stop- I will eat anything and everything I can find (including foods I don't even like and would never eat under normal circumstances). Even once I am full, well past the point of physical discomfort, I continue stuffing my face, either until the food is all gone or until I can force myself to go to bed. These episodes usually occur at night, but are not restricted to a certain time of day.
It seems as though I am using the food to avoid other issues in my life, but I cannot pinpoint anything specifically. I think it might be related to social anxiety- I get anxiety in most social situations and it seems I would rather be at home alone binging than out socializing.
I can usually follow a diet pretty well, until I have a binging episode that sends me into a downward spiral of guilt, regret and self loathing.
And even though I am conscious of the situation and aware of how binging will make me feel afterward and have already decided that it is something I do not want to do, I still do it anyway...
What can I possibly be thinking? I know nothing good can come from it- It is only going to stop me from reaching my health and fitness goals, it is going to make me feel bad abuot myself and negatively affect my self esteem, It is going to make me physically ill and leave me in a fog of guilt, regret and frustration.
My only defense against binging has been the All or Nothing approach. I am so strict with my self to avoid any opportunities for slip ups or relapses into binging episodes. This can only work for so long. And if the cause of binging is psychological, I really wish I could figure it out so I can work on the real issues and control my binging and my life.
Thank you for listening and any advice or support anyone has to offer would be much appreciated