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Old 12-26-2010, 04:43 AM   #1
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need advice asap

Hi im new to this so dont really know what to do
but the point is im worried about my gf
ive been in a relationship with her for about 6 months now and i think shes starting to relapse i found out about her ed about 4 months ago when she broke down and when i asked what her the scars on her arm where about shes was diagnosed with bullimia and anorexia about a 1 and a half year ago she still purges not as much as she use to do but still does it and it was all going well for a month or 3 and now ive got the feeling shes relapsing again cause i went on her email and i saw a pro ana website and i saw that she was posting on there aswell and how she didnt let me touch her stomach or any where near that area what i normally am allowed to do and today i was on the phone to her talking and i was asking her what she ate seen as it is xmas and she told me 2 pieces of toast and some potatos i got worried and asked her what she ate the past days and she told me she ate toast now shes telling me she going to detox meaning she wants to fast and not eat anything till new year and go back to her old weight which was 99lbs
how can i make her see that this is not a healthy weight and that starving herself is not good either i dont want too see her destroy herself cuz she has been in hospital for this before and has actually almost died and every single time i bring it up she just pushes me away by gettin ****** off at me so she doesnt have to talk to me and then she talks to me the next day all happy but as soon as i bring it up im back where i started how can i avoid her from relapsing i love her so much and im wiling to do anything to support her to recover doesnt matter how long it will take

 
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Old 12-26-2010, 10:29 AM   #2
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Re: need advice asap

I am really sorry that you and your girlfriend are going through this. It is difficult to give you advise because most of the people on here have eating disorders and haven't been in your situation.

Eating disorders are like an addiction and being in recovery is mentally and physical challenging. She is the one that has got to want to recover.

Just realize that there is nothing that you can say or do to make her change. People with eating disorders become withdrawn and prefer isolation. So it is great that you are calling her and trying to talk to her.

I also see it as positive sign on her part that she hasn't push you completely out of her life. (I pushed everyone away.)

People with Eds also don't like confrontation. So if she doesn't want to talk about it face to face. Try writing her a short letter -telling her your concerns. Encourage her to write you one back. A letter works better than an email because you will have contact with her to drop it off and to pick up her letter.

There are other message boards that are for friends and family of people with eating disorders. You might want to check those out to get more info or ideas.

Last edited by hb-mod; 12-27-2010 at 01:18 AM. Reason: Removed Quote. Please use "QUICK reply" rather than "QUOTE reply". Thanks!

 
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Old 12-26-2010, 12:48 PM   #3
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Re: need advice asap

Quote:
Originally Posted by wagwaan View Post
how can i make her see that this is not a healthy weight and that starving herself is not good either
every single time i bring it up she just pushes me away by gettin ****** off at me so she doesnt have to talk to me and then she talks to me the next day all happy but as soon as i bring it up im back where i started how can i avoid her from relapsing i love her so much and im wiling to do anything to support her to recover doesnt matter how long it will take
Hello wagwaan

Try telling her simply that you love her and are concerned for her well-being.

Let her know that you are there for her if or when the need arises.

With respect to avoiding her from relapsing;realize that this is an issue she has to put effort into;it can't be done for her.

Hoping for recovery,
Phoenix

 
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wagwaan (12-27-2010)
Old 12-26-2010, 06:30 PM   #4
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Re: need advice asap

Thank you very much and i already have told her that i love her and that im concerned about her but she just says that i dont have to be but i will try talking to her bit by bit and if it goes too far i will have to talk to her parents and she might need to go back in therapy !

thanks very much!

 
Old 12-30-2010, 07:05 AM   #5
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Re: need advice asap

Hi wagwaan,

It sounds like you're an amazing boyfriend. Your girlfriend will be going through a mentally and emotionally really hard time at the moment, and the fact that you're sticking around for her will be appreciated even if she doesn't show it - I am so so grateful to my friends who stuck with me through everything and didn't desert me even when I didn't want to know them.

If she's going on pro anorexia websites then it sounds like she doesn't want to recover (right now at least), and unless she is on board with recovery then it's not something you can force.

Be there for her, support her, accept that she may have mad mood swings and not want to know you at times, but be hanging on your shoulder at others, but don't accept her illness. My mum was my biggest help when I was recovering, and though she didn't get mad at me and she accepted that she couldn't understand what was going on, she let me know that she was worried for me and that my way of life was going to destroy me in the end. Encourage her to spend time in the 'real' world and not online - where she can spend time with happy, healthy people and hopefully be encouraged that that is something to strive for.

Writing a note to her and encouraging her to write back is a great idea. It's likely that this isn't all about food, and that there are other issues there that are causing her to relapse (self esteem, perfectionism and control are relatively common ones, though also things like fear of abandonment, feeling that they don't deserve to live, and hundreds more).

Good luck
knittingirl

 
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wagwaan (12-30-2010)
Old 12-30-2010, 07:26 AM   #6
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Re: need advice asap

Yes she is scared to be abandoned thats why our relationship was on a edge at one point because she was scared to fall in love with me and expecting me to dump her but Ive worked that out of her and made her show that she does deserve me and i deserve her she has had suicidal thoughts but those were according to her about 1-2 years ago and she has never thought about suicide since so im not really worried about them two what im worried about is that if she goes on like this she will destroy herself or worse end up in hospital again on a life machine she hasnt eaten in 6 days now also because she has a bad version of tonsillitis there is one improvement though she says she wants to eat but she cant because of her throat do i believe this or is she using this as an excuse to not eat?

Last edited by wagwaan; 12-30-2010 at 07:28 AM.

 
Old 12-30-2010, 11:01 AM   #7
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Re: need advice asap

"is she using this as an excuse to not eat?"

Yes!

People with eating disorders often use variations of this sentence as an excuse, "I want to eat but I can't because________."


Has she at least tried to drink Ensure or eat foods that are calorie dense?

If she hasn't eaten in 6 days then it's time to her in to the emergency room or call her doctor. She needs to get her blood pressure and heart rate monitored and she could be dehydrated. Even though she might say that she feels fine (and she may appear to be energetic) she could pass out and hurt herself. Could you call her parents?

 
Old 12-31-2010, 02:22 AM   #8
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Re: need advice asap

I Have called her parents and im going by her house today to talk to them about it.

Everyone thanks for your help and support

Last edited by wagwaan; 12-31-2010 at 02:24 AM.

 
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