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Old 01-28-2011, 10:50 AM   #1
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Whatswrongwthme HB User
obsessed

I have always been "weight concescious" but lately I have been totally obsessed with losing extra weight. I've been using diet pills for 2 years and they've stopped working. So recently I started the HCG diet with my own spin. I struggle to stay within the 500 calories, because I enjoy the foods that I eat. I don't binge but I eat regularly, and try to eat less. But to compensate for eating I have been throwing it up. Every time I eat I throw it up. I have also started to take diet pills to speed up my metabolism with the HCG and the self induced vomitting.

I recognize that what I'm doing is horrible for my body, even dangerous but I can't stop myself from doing it.

I have been doing this for 2 weeks now, and I dont' know what I should do before it gets out of control. Anyone have any recommendations. I don't want my husband to know I have a problem.

 
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Old 01-30-2011, 04:19 PM   #2
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Lyneteck HB User
Re: obsessed

For starters, there's no better weight loss strategy than to eat healthy organic foods in moderation. You've probably heard this before, but it is actually very true. Many of the foods we eat that we think are healthy for our bodies, including many processed vegetables, can actually be causing us to gain weight. There are so many preservatives and chemicals in most of the foods we eat and the beverages as well. I'm not just talking about soda pop. I mean even in the fruit juices and vegetable drinks. And those diet pills you are taking to speed up your metabolism, you need to strap those things to the space shuttle and send them into orbit, where they belong. If you want to speed up your metabolism, simply remove the things that are slowing it down. You can do it naturally, the way god intended it to be done with things grown on the planet that have not been chemically altered. I would suggest a good colon cleanse to remove the garbage that has built up in your intestines and other organs. Then begin feeding yourself as much organic food as you can afford to eat. You will quickly find that you will not feel as if you're starved to death all of the time. Your hunger will not be as intense and you will start to gradually notice many other pleasant changes. You will probably not get the flu when everybody else does. You will probably be able to think a little clearer. You attitude and energy levels should change significantly. Overall, many things in your life will improve. Losing weight should begin to happen with little if anymore effort than this. If you are not able to get a good balanced organic diet, you might want to try supplementing with some whole food vitamins ans minerals. Not the vitamins and minerals that you get at the store. You will need to research these on the internet and see what they are all about. The ones you get at the store are typically synthetically made. These are not very good for you in the long run. I have been down the road you are on many many times. I'm in my mid 40's. I've done the diet thing over and over. You suck it up and deprive yourself and do the diet. Most times, we fail. But sometimes we stick it out and accomplish our mighty goal. Then the diet ends and we gain ALL of the weight back plus usually a few more pounds than when we first started. Losing and gaining is a very unhealthy thing to do. As long as I live, I will never diet again. Diets do not work, they have never worked, and they will never work. Since I started ensuring I get a good balanced nutritional intake, I've lost 50lbs. and I do not diet. I didn't have to take pills to speed up my metabolism. It sped up all on its own. My immune system is stronger than it has ever been. My energy levels are through the roof. You don't have to eat and then throw it up. This is very dangerous. I would really recommend you find a good holistic practitioner or nutritionalist to recommend a good nutritional program for you. It will change your life in a very positive way.

 
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Old 02-01-2011, 07:42 AM   #3
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Whatswrongwthme HB User
Re: obsessed

I wish it was as easy as just changing my eating styles. If I had self control I could do that!! But the only self control I have is to make it come up after I've consumed it.

 
Old 02-01-2011, 04:31 PM   #4
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Lyneteck HB User
Re: obsessed

Let me try to put it a different way. It is a natural thing to be hungry. It is our bodies natural mechanism to let us know it's time to eat so we can stay alive. Our bodies do this when our nutrition levels get low. When we eat the junk without any real nutritional value, it isn't long before our bodies say, "Hey dude, or dudette, I'm needin' some more grub". You see, what I'm saying is, if you can at the very least take some good whole organic vitamins AND MINERALS, you can help to fight against that constant little hunger bug. You will be able to fill some of the void your body has and food will not be screaming as loudly for you to devour it. And the other benefit of supplements is, this will give your body's metabolism the natural speed it needs to move things through your system. Our bodies want to lose weight, we just have feed it the nutrition and get out of its way. Just give it a try. What are you going to be out. Just start by taking some good whole food vitamins and mineral supplements. Weigh yourself. Stop taking the diet pills for a couple of weeks. If you get hungry, then simply eat whatever you are currently eating if you have to. But do not barf up the supplements. I'll bet after a few days, you will find that you don't look for the chips and dip quite as much. You probably will not have the urge to make a pan of brownies and eat them all before anyone realizes that you made them. Food will lose some of the hold that it has on you. Then after two weeks, weigh yourself and see if you haven't lost a few pounds. Whatever you do, don't go on a diet. These absolutely do not work. Nobody stays on a diet for life. It is virtually impossible. If you lose the weight, it always comes back with an extra 10lbs. after the diet is done. Start for a few weeks with just the supplements. When you see for yourself that it is working, then gradually work yourself into more organic and whole foods overtime.

 
Old 02-02-2011, 09:56 AM   #5
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melinasw HB Usermelinasw HB User
Re: obsessed

I'm 24 yrs old and mother of one. I have been bulimic since the age of 15, binging and purging, starving, and procrastinating on life. recently, i sought help when i realized my desire to fix myself was a tainted reality. my neg. subjective view of myself was taking over my life and keeping me from enjoying time with my son and spouse. For years i attempted to avoid trigger foods. and have spent years obstaining from food. keeping unter 500 calories a day was all i cared about. if i went somewhere i brought a cooler with my own healthier options weighed out carefully counted to exacting measurements. if i drank wine. i would run 6-10 miles as fast as i could to make up for it and then pass out while my infant son slept. eventually i adopted somewhat healthier habits and ate 1200 calories a day and exercised religiously to make up for it. then became a certified trainer at gyms teaching classes and weightlifting. i was still bulimic and if not for a month i felt i gained 30 pounds if 3 were actually gained. when i finally couldnt stand to compare myself anylonger i quit the health industry due to health reasons and when i sought out a psycotherapist to help me naurally without the use of drugs, i was so scared i would gain weight. the truth is. there IS more to it than your weight and shape. eating disorders are a very useful coping mechanism to disguise something inside. they are also genetic. when i say usefull i dont mean it in a positive way i mean it in a good-to-distract-you-from-yourself-without-even-knowing-its-happening-way. my therapist wanted to know what traumatic event spawned me to stuff myfeelings with food and preoccupation with weight. the cut and dry answer was that my very beautiful, very thin, very weight conscious mother commited suicide alone with me when i was 15. ive been obssessed with thinness since well, since i can remember remembering anything maybe age 5. but first came calorie restrictions, then a close friend actually taught me how to purge. then the freeedom of eating whatever i wanted and purging came next.
i never dealt with my mothers death and as i got older i lost my sense of emotion. no matter what happened i always had a this too shall pass way of dealing and i slid right over every feeling a 'normal' person may have felt. i left my spouse as a result and had one night stands all the time wondering, "how am i able to do this and why dont i feel anything?" when i trained clients and they complained i would say, "i dont feel anything" the truth was i didnt. that morning i had got up at 5am run 5 miles, lifted weights taught a yoga class, a cardio class, and a pilates class and i just didnt feel. after i quit. i decided i was so good at not feeling i needed to provide as a single mother so i tried exotic dancing. i had gained weight and felt fat the whole time but never ate while i worked. i drank vodka and seltzer with lime for eight hours and grinded on people's laps and affter 1 week.... i felt. i felt guilty. my then ex, aka. father of my kids and the only man who loves me unconditionally won me back over and forgave me for it. i felt guilt. but i felt and it hurt. i quit dancing after 3 weeks i moved back in with my family. my therapist seems pleased and dealing with feelings sucks! but you know what...apparently it gets worse before it gets better. my bulimia worsened after i moved back in with my family probably because i was a stay at home mom no longer distracted by work and it was what i knew for comfort. however, it has now tapered off and in its place i feel love taking over. honest love for people who love me. i also feel guilt, pain from my mother, resentment and all negative emotions ive tried to stuff with my insanely good cooking skills that i shouldnt be allowed to possess. except now...if i feel negative i cry instead of vomit. So dear, if this story is not incentive to discover why you are so obssessed with your weight and shape, then i dont know what to say. bulimia/ anorexia is a treachrous path. over the course of my life i can say i have lost many years of my life to self induced vomiting and binging. (which can take hours out of your day) its a serious distraction easily disguised. i wish you the best of luck as i still struggle day to day to avoid binging and purging.

 
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Old 02-02-2011, 10:23 AM   #6
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melinasw HB Usermelinasw HB User
Re: obsessed

And Lyneteck, Im sorry but i disagree with you somewhat. i do agree that you nutritional advice is sound and may help cravings, but it is still food centered. it is still health centered. and as long as an E.D person is attempting to pursue a certain "healthy" diet they are still cuddling thier eating disorder blanket and disguising it as an attempt to better themselves. i have binged on organic grapes and oatmeal, man...it happens and it goes deeper than what kind of food. ive tried balancing nutritional supplements in conjunction with a healthy diet and exercise and been absolutely wonderful for a month until the day i go on vacation and forget something... sometimes your organic safety net isnt there either which sets one E.D person up for a huge fall. the truth is...if you are constantly planning your meals, wondering where you are going to get something healthy next...your still having symptoms and your mind is still preoccupied by what you will eat. the road to recovery is not paved with food styles and diets, its about seeing why you deserve more than a self contained prison of vanity and pursuing the things that really matter instead

 
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Whatswrongwthme (02-03-2011)
Old 02-03-2011, 06:20 AM   #7
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Whatswrongwthme HB User
Re: obsessed

Thanks for sharing your story with me. My story is not as scary but I could see it going down the path of losing my family, which would devistate me. I want to talk so badly with my husband but I don't know if he'd understand, or if he'd think there is something wrong with me (when, true, there probably is something wrong with me) Maybe that is a starting point. To get it out in the open, and maybe he can help me make the healthier organic lifestyle changes that Lynteck suggested. Thanks guys for sharing with me

P.S. I just read the second half of your message Melissa. Maybe seeking profesional help is the way I need to go. But my first step is to talk to my husband. See how he responds. Because I must admit that if he doesn't take it well I may just pretend it goes away all on its own. Nothing will get in the way of my marriage

Last edited by Whatswrongwthme; 02-03-2011 at 06:23 AM.

 
Old 02-03-2011, 06:37 AM   #8
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melinasw HB Usermelinasw HB User
Re: obsessed

Whats wrong,
Im glad my story could help. Im going to my therapy apt. today for this week and am happy to share that i have found this website with her. Ive read many other stories similar to mine in a lot of ways and many that help me see through a different point of view. Whatever you choose to do, follow your heart and not your brain, lol maybe that helps. Sometimes bulimia is ONLY a passing phase that helps people get through something they dont understand about themselves. I have had close friends ive suspected had some of the same problems as me and when i mentioned my struggle the had admitted the same struggle but that it only lasted briefly. Everything we do in life is something we can learn from, especially our mistakes. We are what we discover about ourselves and from that we grow and evolve. I wish you the best of luck

 
Old 02-18-2011, 06:46 PM   #9
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foodhatelove HB User
Re: obsessed

Melina thank you for sharing. I sometimes feel that nobody feels what I (don't feel) - and I'm like you often I just don't feel anything and bulimia is the only things that helped me to be in control over my life. Thank you.

 
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