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Old 02-02-2011, 05:37 PM   #1
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Washington, D.C, USA
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4myheart HB User
new to this: I'm a boyfriend in need of help

Hello,
Iím in a long-distance relationship with a girl who has ED. She has been fighting it b4 we started dating, and was doing well until recently. Recently she has been relapsing, and I started noticing this immediately by the way she was slowly losing more and more of the girl I love. She started because she doesnít have any professional help nearby her school. Recently she told me that she needs more time to herself to work through this, and she wanted to break up, saying that she wasnít being fair to me. I said that would hurt me the most and suggested that we take a break, still committed just I donít try to contact her at all. When I mentioned how much the breakup would hurt me she seemed hurt and didnít seem to want that as much. Her therapist also told me that I should disconnect with her, because the more I hold on the more sheíll disconnect from me. Am I doing the right thing? I love her, and she says that she loves me and I believe it, but am I holding her back? I just want her to be happy, even if that doesnít involve me. And it just hurts that I cant help and support the person I love. Am I doing the right thing 4 her by giving her space but still loving her and waiting 4 her? Any advice would be apprecaited.
Thanks,
Godbless

Last edited by 4myheart; 02-02-2011 at 07:02 PM.

 
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Old 02-03-2011, 08:10 AM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: texas
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melinasw HB Usermelinasw HB User
Re: new to this

I think you should take her therapists advice. E.D are incredibly hard to break out of and even y=though you praise her and try to make her feel like she is going to be ok, she may still use you as a seccret reminder of why she needs to lose weight. people with eating disorders fear that when they recover they will gain weight and she may not want you to see her just yet due to that very fear. maybe she knows that when she is recovered she will be comfortable with her body around you and thats why she wants to wait, maybe she just plain feels vulnerable right now and wants to pull herself through this. I really dont know, im just an outside perspective but i have been bulimic for 10 years and am familar with many of the insecuritis that go along with this. I cant imagine a more damaging disease to a persons self esteem. i hope, that she is not just withdrawing to isolate herself as many bulimics do accidently by justifying it as a way to get through this. be understanding. she seems committed to you and i would accept that for what it is. do what she wishes. let her cry and get everything out. when shes ready youll be there for her.

 
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Old 02-03-2011, 04:50 PM   #3
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Washington, D.C, USA
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4myheart HB User
Re: new to this

Is trying to stay in the relationship hurtful to recovery?

 
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