melinasw

Wow Your story sounds very similar to mine when I was your age. (I feel so old saying that but Im 24 and my son is 5) I started binging and purging when i was 15 and I started restricting calories at age 11 when my stepdad went on a diet. It was almost like a game, a preoccupation with me. I do understand how you feel when the pressure to look a certain way exists in society. Everywhere we look we are inadvertently told that we need to be thin and graceful, or agile, or wiry, or petite, little, slim, skinny, lean.
logically we know that it is all b.s but inside we agree with the twisted message and induce self harm. you can overcome this. just as many of me friends did when they were young (it took me 10 years and im still working on it)
If you see blood in your vomit, it may mean that the sphincter that makes sure your stomach acid does not leach back into your esophagus may be torn or irritated, and this can be caused by waiting too long after a binge to vomit, or it could mean that you did not drink enough during your binge, it could also, and this is very common, mean that you in the heat of the moment did not chew your food enough or you binged on bread or carby things. it could be a combination of all these things too. i would advise you to speak anonomously to a counselor at your school. I dont know what your homelife is like but if your parents are over pushy or pressure you to constantly live up to thier expectations it may be wise to wait to speak to them about it. Most eating disorders are not derived from your actual body type but from your interpretation of yourself. you know that you have a normal bmi, i know that you have a normal bmi as ive worked as a personal trainer for years. im sure you look beautiful and seeing yourself that way will help. sometimes you feel thin, sometimes yo feel fat. the truth is "fat" is not a feeling, neither is "thin" its and adjective and a describing word probably masking real emotions underneath. sometimes finding a wa to remind yourself of whats really important can help throughout the day. Having fun with friends, having fun in your sport, playing with your pets, reading a book, drawing a picture, writing in a journal are all ways to enjoy the moment you are actuallyy in istead of worrying about how others will percieve your body or what you will eat next. I hope this helps. I wish you the best of luck.