Lately, I've been noticing how screwed up my mind is and really want to do something about it. Since 2005, I've struggled with eating to a pretty significant extent; I was considered anorexic (medically) in 2006 and went through a year-long program that really helped me get over it, entirely actually. Throughout 2007 and most of 2008, I really had no problems eating or accepting my body image or anything, cause I was happy with it. But in August of 2008 I started feeling like I wasn't too happy with my appearance, and now (it's built up since then) I really feel like I may be anorexic or something. Food is on my mind a lot, and I always think about what I'm gonna eat soon and how it needs to be something healthy, and I constantly check my wrists and legs and things to see if they're getting any bigger. I also pinch my stomach and look for abs on a daily basis, so I pretty much always focus on my body. I really only think I do this cause I want a body I'm confident with, but lately I've been occasionally smoking marijuana and my highs have really been opening my eyes up to what I'm dealing with. I usually overeat as a result, cause I decide I don't want to live this way any longer and eat as much as I want (while high), however the next day feel guilty and as though I need to watch what I eat in order to cancel out the previous day. I'm so tired of living my life this way, especially cause I'm an 18 year old guy going to college next year. It's absolutely ridiculous, and I really want to start lifting weights and gaining weight, so I no longer need to rely on thinness to feel confident. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to overcome this? Thanks.
The following user gives a hug of support to BonhamPage17: mjpd (02-09-2011)
Have you considered trying treatment again? It seems like some of the thought patterns of the anorexia are creeping back up and it's better to deal with them now before it gets any worse and harder to get out of.
Thanks for the response. The thought of going through treatment again has definitely crossed my mind, but I really hated going through it. I had absolutely no say in what I ate and it really, really sucked. I'm kind of a control freak so I really like to have complete control over what I eat, and I don't want to go through something similar to what I did in '06. Even so, I'm entirely willing to increase my intake by a pretty significant amount if it means I'll be gaining positive weight, like muscle mass, so I feel like I'm kind of taking treatment into my own hands. Do you think working out and putting on muscle mass (ultimately heading away from being really thin) would basically eliminate my problem?
The problem, as I see it, isn't just with the fact that you're thin/ losing weight, but also the thoughts that you're having. You can try increasing your intake and working out to become healthier, but be careful about this developing into a disorder in itself (gym addiction). I would really advice you to talk to a doctor, even without going to treatment. Tell the doctor the thoughts you're having and follow what he/she recommends. If you need treatment then he'll send you there, but you might not be that bad at this point, and maybe can just use some pointers to get better and overcome the thoughts you're having.