Nonjudgmental advice appreciated
Hi. I'm new, and this is the first time I've tried this through an internet setting. Not really sure what to expect. I used to be bulimic/anorexic back in Sept.- November, and then my body started shutting down. I had my friends sort of support, they tried to avoid the issue but would ask if I was OK. I managed to stop in December or face getting fired, but now it's come back hardcore.
I work 3 jobs right now- 2 cooking (which pays nothing), and a third as an exotic dancer, so I can pay off everything I owe.
Sometimes I'm not sure if dancing has affected me mentally. Dancing in itself never makes me feel bad, or ashamed, or anything of the sort, but I've been a lot more mentally unstable since I started....the bulimia, depression, sort of splitting myself up into different people depending on whether I'm in the kitchen or the club or with my friends.
Here's my question. I think I could go back to eating healthy and normally if I could go to the gym a lot, and sleep a decent amount, and make sure I eat all my meals w friends so I can't purge after. Working as a chef is my dream, and my job cooking is one of the few things that truly makes me happy, but it makes all those things difficult. We have to taste everything we make, which makes me really uncomfortable a lot, and if I don't eat while I'm there it's rare anybody notices bc we are so busy. If I just worked as a dancer for now and part time in a catering company, I think I would be unhappy, but at least probably eating healthy and able to have healthy habits/schedule. At the same time though, is it wise to pretty much starting dancing full time, when thats what (probably) began all this?