Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Nowhere, IL
Easter - ?
Easter is still three weeks away, yet that is too soon for me...
I have a problem with holidays. Surely, many of you can relate to what is about to be explained. Let me start at the beginning. I got married about a year-and-a-half ago. We have no children, so it is my husband and myself who travel about two hours to see my family over various occasions. Each time I get in the car and start toward 'home' for a holiday visit, I promise myself (as well as my husband, out loud, several times now):
A) I will NOT binge NOR cry on the return trip over having stuffed myself
B) I will NOT get silly drunk and then STILL stuff myself
C) I will NOT try to gain mom's approval, feel guilty, and stuff myself
D) I will NOT tell myself "It's a holiday - go nuts" and stuff myself
E) I will NOT make midnight trips to the candy/leftovers and (go ahead and guess) stuff myself!
This is the picture. Now, that being said, every holiday, husband or no husband, alone or with company, in the snow or the sunshine, sick with the flu or not, I keep these promises to myself...until halfway through the day when I lose it and end up with a week's worth of regret.
Raise your hand if you've experienced this vicious cycle, vowed - VOWED - to escape it, and have done nothing but break youself over and over. Keep that hand up if you've disappointed and even hurt someone you love in the process. Still, keep your hand raised if you've faked having to go to the bathroom in order to 'rid' youself of a weeks worth of carbohydrates at the nearist gas station and, finally, put two hands in the air if the next two weeks after your holiday visit conisted of laxitive abuse, apologizing to your husband/children/family, feeling bloated and lethargic at work, and praying that some magical fairy will float down on a sparkly cloud, sprinkle some wonderful, magical fairy 'anti-eating disorder' dust, and cure you so that you can enjoy a FREEKING holiday like a NORMAL PERSON!
Oh golly I am dreading Easter! It used to be my favorite holiday, you know, pre-eating disorder nightmare. The bright, pastel colors, Easter egg hunts, celebration of new life, religious meaning, and spring-like atmosphere are lost on me; all I see is chocolate, jelly beans, chips, pretzles, adult beverages, cakes, cookies, big, not-so-nutritious home-cooked meals, and the inevitable self-lothing. Darn it. DARN IT!!!! Thanksgiving was horrible, Christmas - don't even GO there, and now Easter - is my only 'safe' holiday Boxing Day??? I'm not even Canadian!
Eh - this post is coming out semi-humorous, but I mean to be serious with myself and with my request that everyone pull together to help each other - can we do that? Can you help me? Can you help help me help myself? Can I help IT? Is it an all-or-nothing, eat-one-treat-and-ruin-the-day, pig-out-and-recover-tomorrow, promise-then-plunge, broken-vow, holiday-in-the-trash (or toilet) kind of thing?
Personally, my plan is to focus on the rewards of NOT overeating, which are not limited to the following listing: no bloating, loating, tears, broken promises, disappointment, week-after recovery, pain, digestive issues, laxitives, bathroom stops, LIES, apologies, 'fat' pants, disgust, aching teeth, aching heart, scale avoidance, complete discomfort, and 'general sense of hopelessness." Feel free to add your own to this list.
Thanks for reading - chapter 2 next week...