hey im a recovering anorexic. Today I ate a special k bar, an apple turnover, chocolate frozen yogurt, 4 fig newtons, an entire wonka bar, a pb&j sandwich, a bowl of cereal, some chicken, fruit snacks, grapes, a muffin, a bagel and cream cheese and a bunch of walnuts. Ive been crying for 4 hours straight and I cant walk because my stomache hurts so bad. this is the second time ive done this I feel like a failure like ive lost all my control ive had before. i'm scared this is going to become a problem like i'll keep binging and binging because i've been restricting for so long. (i was living on about 800 calories a day for about 8 months) I just feel so out of wack and abnormal. I cant control myself around food anymore and i hate myself for it!! does anyone else have/had this problem? does it get any better? do you have any tips?
Last edited by kirstenkitty; 06-17-2011 at 07:10 PM.
The following user gives a hug of support to kirstenkitty: Phoenix (07-14-2011)
what you described is such a common thing in eating disorders. you said you were recovering, but what means are you using for recovery? are you seeking professional help or have you just taken effort on your own in changing your ways? ive learned that even if you change your eating disorder habits and become "normal", the problem remains. in other words, you need to find the root of why and how your eating disorder developed in the first place and address those issues. binge eating is a loss of self control, yes, but it is also a distraction from your emotions. im bulimic and my whole life is binging, purging, restricting. its a vicious cycle. you're doing better than me...Ive been "recovering" without any progress for quite some time. its great that you want to change your lifestyle and if you have the resources, I STRONGLY suggest you seek them out. Cognitive therapy seems to be the only thing that can save us. I wish I had the finances or insurance to do so, but sadly I dont. Not only will therapy save your life and rid you of your eating disorder, but it will build your self esteem and let you enjoy your life. I really wish you the best.
The following user gives a hug of support to pookiesays: kirstenkitty (06-24-2011)
what you described is such a common thing in eating disorders. you said you were recovering, but what means are you using for recovery? are you seeking professional help or have you just taken effort on your own in changing your ways? ive learned that even if you change your eating disorder habits and become "normal", the problem remains. in other words, you need to find the root of why and how your eating disorder developed in the first place and address those issues. binge eating is a loss of self control, yes, but it is also a distraction from your emotions. im bulimic and my whole life is binging, purging, restricting. its a vicious cycle. you're doing better than me...Ive been "recovering" without any progress for quite some time. its great that you want to change your lifestyle and if you have the resources, I STRONGLY suggest you seek them out. Cognitive therapy seems to be the only thing that can save us. I wish I had the finances or insurance to do so, but sadly I dont. Not only will therapy save your life and rid you of your eating disorder, but it will build your self esteem and let you enjoy your life. I really wish you the best.
I sought out professional help but they havnt done ****. they said i first need to get my bmi up before i can join group therepy sessions or have a therepist to talk to. ***? thats like going to a math tutor and the math tutor says solve the problem by yourself then ill help. and they keep wanting to put me in the hospital but my doctor says ive been progressing fine. but the only reason ive been gaining weight is cause ive been CONSTANTLY eating. its like i get so depressed when the foods all gone so i go get more. anything. cookies, cakes, steak, fruits, bread, (my favorite is a cashew butter and jelly sandwhich) like just this morning i told myself i wouldnt binge today and i would eat like a normal person because im so tired of my stomache being so bloated and feeling overall gross but nooo i went and ate everything i could my hands on yet again. i just dont know what to do. im actually considering taking up their offer and letting them hosbitalize me for a few days like they want because maybe being away from the food and eating normal and healthy and MADE SURE i ate normal and healthy will help break the habit and i wont binge anymore. because believe me ive tried to quit on my own. right now, as i said earlier, im completly stuffed from a binge and its not even 10am yet and im still thinking about food!! im depressed as hell and i dont even know why. i feel like i want to throw up but i still have the urge to eat more. why why why! i just want everything to stop and be able to eat like a normal person again and food not be the only thing i think about. i want to stop feeling so bloated and stop feeling so guilty and stop feeling so digusting and ugly. i went from having so much control and feeling pretty and skinny to now this disgusting fat pig. I dont know what to do. I'm sorry I just need to let all this out.
Last edited by kirstenkitty; 06-24-2011 at 09:32 AM.
I've had the SAME EXACT thing happen, sweetheart. And just like you, I was restricting for months and was slightly underweight...the binging just came on without warning. I remember laying on my bed one day reading and I stopped because I was so hungry and headed into the kitchen and then BOOM! I had my first flow blown binge. Yeah, I know what you mean. I was grabbing EVERYTHING I could get my hands on: flour tortillas (always had a thing with them and binging) cookies, cereal out of the box, candy, frosting out of the can, and many many other baking ingredients as my fiance is a baker. I can't even remember now but I would binge to the extreme and it became more and more frequent, it became almost a daily affair. And no matter how much I ate, I'd never feel full. It's still like that even now....I guess it's gotten better though but my satiety mechanism has always been off track.
Are you seeking professional help at the moment? Like a therapist/nutritionist that specializes in eating disorders??
I've had the SAME EXACT thing happen, sweetheart. And just like you, I was restricting for months and was slightly underweight...the binging just came on without warning. I remember laying on my bed one day reading and I stopped because I was so hungry and headed into the kitchen and then BOOM! I had my first flow blown binge. Yeah, I know what you mean. I was grabbing EVERYTHING I could get my hands on: flour tortillas (always had a thing with them and binging) cookies, cereal out of the box, candy, frosting out of the can, and many many other baking ingredients as my fiance is a baker. I can't even remember now but I would binge to the extreme and it became more and more frequent, it became almost a daily affair. And no matter how much I ate, I'd never feel full. It's still like that even now....I guess it's gotten better though but my satiety mechanism has always been off track.
Are you seeking professional help at the moment? Like a therapist/nutritionist that specializes in eating disorders??
I'm so glad you can relate.. I hate how frequent its been happening :/ Yes but they wont help me until my BMI is higher. I dont understand why. I just want help and they wont give it to me
These clinics won't advertise their qualifications,quite possibly because they would subject themselves to a discrimination suit.
They need to be up front from the beginning;some are but there are a lot that tend to misrepresent themselves.
Yet the insurance companies still pay and everything is business as usual....
for those that fit their unique criteria.
Cries for help are ignored and the bottom line seems to be business as usual.
the one's that parade as wolve's in sheeps clothing know who they are....
and are only fooling themselves....in my opinion.
Respectfully
Phoenix
Yeah, they keep saying until I get admitted into a hospital and get my BMI up they wont have anything to do with me but yesterday my mother called the phoenix childrens hospital to see if they could get me admitted and they said No because all my vitals and electrolyts are normal. They only way i can be admitted into the hospital is if i was suicidal which im deffinatly not. so i dont get what this stupid therepy place is talking about and it sucks because my issurance doesnt cover the special hospitals meant just for people with eating disorders. i'm stuck fighting this battle all on my own. im gonna try my hardest.. sometimes it just becomes too tough :/
everytime i eat i feel like i have failed myself but i just eat and eat and eat. Ive gained 10 pounds in two weeks my doctor is thrilled at this but i just wish i can gain the weight in a healthy way.. i dont know how! and shes like eat 5 balanced meals a day but its too hard.. i just eat all five meals for breakfast and spend the rest of the day curled up in the fetile postion depressed and in pain. why do i have no will power?
the only therepist my health insurance covers wont have anything to do with me because my BMI is too low. I talked to the insurance company about that and they filed a grievence but they said thats all they could do. How do get into contact with the mental health place of my state?
Keep looking for alternative help. Maybe you could see if there are any nutritionist or dietricians who specialize in eating disorders in you area who you could see.
Also, see if there are any free helplines you can call, or as Phoenix said, look for help groups. Just keep looking for help, the more the better.
Also, are there any alternatives to health insurance for your receiving treatment? Any family members who could give you a loan. This is your health and your future we are talking about.
I got into a group that starts july 11.. i hope it helps:/ all the girls have anorexia..theyre dealing with a different stage of it then me though.. i cant stop eating and theyre afraid to even touch a grain of rice haha..
anyone out there with the same problem..? 
I feel like a failure like ive lost all my control ive had before. i'm scared this is going to become a problem like i'll keep binging and binging because i've been restricting for so long. (i was living on about 800 calories a day for about 8 months) I just feel so out of wack and abnormal. I cant control myself around food anymore and i hate myself for it!! does anyone else have/had this problem? does it get any better? do you have any tips?
