I don't feel embarassed, but, I know I have a problem.
As a kid, I was always very thin. Too thin. I didn't eat much, but I also didn't have an eating disorder. Parents were always trying to get me to bulk up. As a teenager, when I was 13, I got addicted to an online game which I still play to this game, and am still addicted to. I gained alot of weight from it. Due to my aspergers, and the game, I missed out on high school. I would sit by the girls in high school because no one would sit with me. and i felt they understood more than anyone. I never had a girlfriend, or even kissed a girl. I missed out on my whole teenage years. I'm now 23. I blamed not getting a girlfriend for my weight. That must've been it. I was severely obese, with a BMI of almost 40. My waist size was 48. But, I lost 95 lbs for 2 reasons. Because I was tired of the fat, and I felt it was the only way I would become liked.
I managed to lose alot of weight (I was almost morbidly obese), and get into a low body fat (More about that later), and yet, it's not enough. Its become a full blown obsession.
. I eat very healthy, excerise hard, lift weights hard, and put myself in a slight calorie deficient. I still have high blood pressure and take meds for it, and severe chronic fatique, both which are probably from stress and anxiety.
My dad told me one time when I was obese to put my shirt on when we were in our garage working, because it was embarassing. Another forum told me to keep it "PG". (Because I can't post pictures without a shirt..)I don't understand this. From that point on, it confirmed my believes and the whole thing made me extremely uncomfortable, especially wearing tank tops around women, or people I know. Extremely hard, despite hard efforts to counter it.
You see, I logged my progress in a weight loss forum. Pictures at every step, so it felt natural to me. I don't understand it very much .Whenever I feel down I go back there for motivation. It helps me. It also helps confirms my believes that I do look good, but also makes me want to look better.
Today I pretty much had a break down. Several people were telling me, "You're not at 7% body fat yet like your body fat says, after all, they are horribly inaccurate. If you were, you'd have a six pack." And I don't. I have loose skin. Not a whole bunch, but some. I don't think that's an excuse. I need to lose more fat.
According to my omron 306B BIA device (It uses an electriical signal to measure the amount of water in your body to measure muscle) I am at around 9-10% bodyfat. And I don't believe that either. It's wrong. I used to be at 28.8% bodyfat. Morbid obesity starts at 30% I believe.
I am getting a underwater weighting test in 2 days, we'lll see if its correct. Even my neurologist doctor said, "You're not at 7% bodyfat, that's impossible." He said they had a huge margin of error, like 10%, so I'm probably closer to 17%. If I'm any more than 10 percent, I will everything I can to keep losing Because my dream was to have defined abs...and I don't have them yet. Obviously not quite there yet.
During my weight loss, I hit a pleatau for 6 months. I had to change my eating completely, then lose some. Then hit another wall. So I started doing HIIT, and got out of it got to where I currently am.
I do have some extra muscle mass from perserving muscle while losing the weight by lifting.
Thank you so much if you read this.
Last edited by SparkErosion; 06-24-2011 at 08:13 AM.
It doesn't seem to me like you have an eating disorder but I am not a doctor. It seems that you are setting yourself up by thinking "once I lose this much weight... or once I have defined abs... everything will be great." Many people get semi-obsessed when they begin to lose weight. As the weight comes off it is exciting and you must feel lighter. If you are eating and you are not purging or bingeing, I think you you are safe but if you get to your goal weight and decide you want to keep going, that might be a red flag. The excess skin is just from losing weight. It may be hard to get rid of. Enjoy your new self and try and work on loving yourself for you... EXACTLY the way you are. We are all here for a reason.
Yeah but I've hit my goal weight several times before. First wasn't good enough. Then ....then when my parents and gramdma were saying I was looking too thin. I always tell myself once I get my goal weight (Maybe if I lose a few more lbs, I'll see more definition.). I Desperatly want abs....but, they may never show due to the excess skin. I'll have to see what my bodyfat is tomorrow, and work on getting it under 10%. And if it is over, which I'm sure it is, that makes me pretty happy as I have more results to look forward to.
It's so much the eating but the thinking that goes along with it I think.
I feel I look terrible still. The loose skin is bothers me alot too.
Last edited by moderator2; 06-24-2011 at 07:21 AM.
Reason: please do not post identifying pictures of yourself - use this website anonymously
I edited my post and removed triggers. I am sorry if I triggered anyone.
The main thing is, its a complete preoccupation. It's pretty much all I think about. It didn't start like this. When I was very obese, I didn't care about my how I looked . I contributed it to my overweightness. Now that I've lost the weight, I care too much.I'm so worried that people will judge me I'm afraid to get a drink of water at the gym. If there's anything I have to do in one day, its sleep and go to the gym. I always try to go no matter it. It's 115 degrees here, and I still ride my bicycle 8 miles in the heat.
I just want to look like some of the model guys you see in media. I don't see how this is unrealistic. Are they too thin?
Last edited by SparkErosion; 06-24-2011 at 08:27 AM.
The media continually portrays unrealistic ideals that most of us will never be able to reach.
I think it might be time to talk to someone, a therapist etc. and see if they think you are going too far, and how you can pull yourself back again.
Also, while it is important to exercise, you need to have a life outside of the gym. I know that with Aspergers it can be hard, I would recommend some kind of activity that gets you socializing more with positive people. It could be exercise orientated, perhaps there is a bike riding club? I'm not really sure.
By the way, a healthy fat percentage is between 10-20% (higher for women). If your fat levels get too low you will start effecting your essential fat levels which could endanger your health.