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Old 06-27-2011, 08:18 AM   #1
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Not sure what to do next

Hey everyone,

I have been dating my girlfriend for a year now.... she is 40 and I am 41 and I believe she could suffer from bulimia but not totally sure as well. She is 5'3 and about 115lbs..pretty normal weight for 5'3. I only see her 3 to 4 days a week as we dont live together but are moving towards that.

When we go out to dinner she can eat a pretty big meal...at least as much as me I'm 6'1 225lbs.. but not always finish. She also has 3 to 4 drinks of water plus diet soda during dinner. When we get home she goes to the bathroom within 5 min and locks the door. She also always has a ton of junk food around the house. Big bags of candy, cookies ect. She is always cold especially after just eating. Her teeth look ok she does chew gum a ton.

Some people have asked her including myself that have had dinner with her where she puts it all. She usually says she only eats dinner on the weekends and just lunch during the week so that is how she keep her weight.

I asked her over the weekend telling her first that I lover her and we are a team together. She looked me in the eyes and said no ...but did not act surprised and only asked where am I getting this from. I told her my thoughts and she said no and wanted to move on from the talk. If somebody asked me the same question I think I would have been more shocked. Any ideas? Thanks in advance!

Last edited by Tom t; 06-27-2011 at 08:23 AM.

 
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Old 06-28-2011, 08:06 AM   #2
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Re: Not sure what to do next

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Originally Posted by Tom t View Post
If somebody asked me the same question I think I would have been more shocked. Any ideas? Thanks in advance!
Hello Tom,

Here's the thing....

If she is bulimic and reacted that way,she may be struggling with denial.

Having an eating disorder is one thing;having to explain this to another individual is a different situation entirely.

In many ways,divulging can viewed as giving up the secrecy and intimacy of the disorder.

You have done all you can;providing support.

The next move is hers to make....

if she has an eating disorder.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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Old 06-28-2011, 07:44 PM   #3
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Re: Not sure what to do next

As it turns out she is bulimic....She would only admit it after I told her that I heard her and I just know that she is doing it. I also told her that I love her and will try to help and be there for her 110%. However, I also said that she needs to go get professional help due to this being to big for us to deal with and I need it to be able to stay in the relationship. She did not like that and thinks she can stop on her own. She said she started as a teen and stopped for 20 years and she can do it again. I have been through enough in my life to know its not that easy.

I feel so sad for her...It must be so hard to deal with. She also tried to turn the conversation on to what I did wrong and that was hard to take but I know its the disease talking. What is the recovery rate on this disease? She to me sounds like she is in denial. How does one come out of that?

 
Old 06-29-2011, 04:19 AM   #4
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Re: Not sure what to do next

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom t View Post
As it turns out she is bulimic....She would only admit it after I told her that I heard her and I just know that she is doing it.

However, I also said that she needs to go get professional help due to this being to big for us to deal with and I need it to be able to stay in the relationship. She did not like that and thinks she can stop on her own. She said she started as a teen and stopped for 20 years and she can do it again. I have been through enough in my life to know its not that easy.

I feel so sad for her...It must be so hard to deal with. She also tried to turn the conversation on to what I did wrong and that was hard to take but I know its the disease talking. What is the recovery rate on this disease? She to me sounds like she is in denial. How does one come out of that?
Tom,

I'm glad that she admitted having bulimia,even though she was placed in a position that left her little choice.I only say this because you confronted her,not vice versa.

When suggesting that she seek therapy,try treading lightly and suggest things.

Remember this is an extremely sensitive subject and she may feel(in a certain way)that you invaded her privacy.

Eating disorders carry with it disordered thinking. If she feels that you are trying to force her,then she may retreat.

If she tries to turn the tides on you,it's in response to this and the aforementioned info.

The recovery rate increases,when therapeutic intervention is introduced in the early stages of the eating disorder.

She must be the one to make the move towards therapy,if she is so inclined.

The dynamic isn't easy;please exercise patience.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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Old 07-01-2011, 12:12 AM   #5
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Re: Not sure what to do next

It's good that you are supportive of her, and while you know that she needs professional help, she has to see it herself.

Eating Disorders are of such a nature that the person suffering from them has to decide for themselves that they want to get over it, and they have to decide for themselves that they want professional help.

I would not put too much pressure on her to seek help, but be someone whom she can talk to.

If in the future she does decide she wants help, look for a specialist is eating disorders, as not all doctors understand how to treat eating disorders.

 
Old 07-28-2011, 06:10 AM   #6
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Re: Not sure what to do next

One of the scariest things of having someone find out you have an eating disorder is when they say they're going "to help". I can only speak for myself when I say that no one knows (as far as I know) that I struggle with bulemia, and its terrifying for me for someone to find out because I know they'll try to help me recover, and my logic is...."If I can't throw up....what will I do when I have a binge." I DO want to recover because I HATE doing this, but if people know then theyll be on alert and watching me, looking for clues, hints, little things like that. It would be mortifying for me if someone found out.

 
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