I am worried. I have been diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa w/ Anorexic tendencies when I was in grade 9. I began in grade 7 slowly, but got really bad where I was hospitalized, councelling, bla bla.
I recovered in Grade 11, but never did like how I look, especially now.. I look back & I think I was huge.. I have a naturally big head, short stubby frame like my dad & sisters.
After highschool, I pretty much stayed the same weight.. 5'2, 135-140 lbs. I smoked for a while, then after I quit smoking I joined the gym & got really big into muscle training.. I ended up gaining weight & got to 145 lbs. I liked how I looked, I felt strong, healthy, but I did eat a lot.
After my bf & I broke up, I took a complete 180 change. My appetite plunged, & I did a lot of running instead. I began losing weight drastically, & was complimented like no other.. the same ****** feeling I had when I lost all my weight in grade 8.
I moved on from the break up, met a new guy, got a new job, new house.. everything. YAYAYAY.. very happy. But my eating has been decreasing, & I was running a lot. I am 20 years old now, & I went from 145-115 since June.
I threw up a few meals in this time frame.
I have skipped meals, & if I ate something bad, the guilt has been unbareable. This is not good.. I have a feeling I am relapsing, for these feelings are way too familiar.
I love how I look now.. I don't want to lose any more, but I am terrified to gain it back. I do not want to throw my meals up, I want to maintain my weight in a healthy way.. I just dont know how.