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Old 09-07-2011, 07:17 AM   #1
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samteri HB User
Feelings are coming back...

Hello all,

I am worried. I have been diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa w/ Anorexic tendencies when I was in grade 9. I began in grade 7 slowly, but got really bad where I was hospitalized, councelling, bla bla.

I recovered in Grade 11, but never did like how I look, especially now.. I look back & I think I was huge.. I have a naturally big head, short stubby frame like my dad & sisters.

After highschool, I pretty much stayed the same weight.. 5'2, 135-140 lbs. I smoked for a while, then after I quit smoking I joined the gym & got really big into muscle training.. I ended up gaining weight & got to 145 lbs. I liked how I looked, I felt strong, healthy, but I did eat a lot.

After my bf & I broke up, I took a complete 180 change. My appetite plunged, & I did a lot of running instead. I began losing weight drastically, & was complimented like no other.. the same ****** feeling I had when I lost all my weight in grade 8.

I moved on from the break up, met a new guy, got a new job, new house.. everything. YAYAYAY.. very happy. But my eating has been decreasing, & I was running a lot. I am 20 years old now, & I went from 145-115 since June.

I threw up a few meals in this time frame. I have skipped meals, & if I ate something bad, the guilt has been unbareable. This is not good.. I have a feeling I am relapsing, for these feelings are way too familiar.

I love how I look now.. I don't want to lose any more, but I am terrified to gain it back. I do not want to throw my meals up, I want to maintain my weight in a healthy way.. I just dont know how.

 
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Old 09-07-2011, 02:36 PM   #2
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Re: Feelings are coming back...

Quote:
I love how I look now.. I don't want to lose any more, but I am terrified to gain it back. I do not want to throw my meals up, I want to maintain my weight in a healthy way.. I just dont know how.
Could it be that starches, like mini-wheats, are the problem? For someone who has an eating disorder, starch could be like alcohol to an alcoholic. Imagine an alcoholic trying to drink in moderation; it can't be done. If you have a problem with this particular type of food, you may have to eliminate it completely. Take notice of what foods set you off to binge. On the other board you mentioned mini-wheats. Perhaps wheat is the problem? Or is it all grains in general that causes the problem?

 
Old 09-07-2011, 02:40 PM   #3
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samteri HB User
Re: Feelings are coming back...

Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnR41 View Post
Could it be that starches, like mini-wheats, are the problem? For someone who has an eating disorder, starch could be like alcohol to an alcoholic. Imagine an alcoholic trying to drink in moderation; it can't be done. If you have a problem with this particular type of food, you may have to eliminate it completely. Take notice of what foods set you off to binge. On the other board you mentioned mini-wheats. Perhaps wheat is the problem? Or is it all grains in general that causes the problem?
I think it's "breads, carbs, crackers" .. I am such a nut for those types of foods .. which makes me sad because I wish I could control how much carbs I eat.. when I overdo it, I have to throw it up. Case closed.. Im just scared if I cut them out completely I'm gunna be home alone one day & just binge completely.. Cereal was a HUGE part of my binges when I was sick.. I would eat 3 boxes & continuesly puke & puke.

Bah

 
Old 09-09-2011, 01:12 PM   #4
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Re: Feelings are coming back...

Quote:
Originally Posted by samteri View Post
Im just scared if I cut them out completely I'm gunna be home alone one day & just binge completely.
This is what alcoholics fear when they stop drinking. And, by the way, alcohol is often made from grain. It's a carb too.

There's no easy solution. It's easy for me to tell you not to eat any of those carbs anymore, but actually doing it would be difficult, I realize that. But if you look at it logically, life is difficult for you now.

To give up your starches completely, you'd have to have other foods ready to serve as substitutes. That requires some careful planning. It's something to think about.

Last edited by JohnR41; 09-10-2011 at 08:49 AM. Reason: word change

 
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