Re: Do i have an eating disorder?
First of all, I am not a doctor or a therapist. I would suggest talking to a doctor or therapist for further information and to address your concerns.
As someone who is recovering from multiple eating disorders, a lot of what you said sounds familiar to everything that went through my mind during my eating disorders.
I think the fact that the idea of you possibly having an eating disorder is on your mind is a good indication that you may be in the beginning stages of an eating disorder--when the obsession of food intake and exercise outtake manifest. Once food, calories, exercise, etc. start to be on your mind constantly, it is a red flag that an eating disorder might be brewing. While 1500 calories a day is a sufficient and relatively normal amount for the average person, your feelings of guilt after/before eating concern me because eating disorders revolve and function on feelings of guilt and obsession.
Some things that I learned in my recovery and that I want to pass along to you are: "Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day" and "I have found that if you love life, life will love you back." There is so much more to life than obsessing and worrying and feeling guilty about the food that is put in your body or the exercise you do or do not get done at the gym. Your body needs nutrients; don't deprive it. Your mind needs nutrients; don't deprive it. Your soul needs nutrients; don't deprive it. If you deprive one, such as the body, from getting what it needs, you throw off the balance of the others.
You sound like a lovely person, and I'm sure you have a long list of talents, skills, and positive traits. Try to focus on those every day rather than guilt from eating or not exercising. Love life, and live it to the fullest because we don't know when it will end...and you don't want to spend your last days stressing the small stuff. Reach out to your family and friends if you're concerned, and talk to a doctor as well.
Take care, and stay healthy.