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Old 10-17-2011, 06:24 PM   #1
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Want to recover from bulimia but not restriction??

i don't know if this is a weird question. I'm certainly not "Pro" anything but am just at a loss. I've been bulimic since I was 14-15.. I am 27 now.I had a good 3 year run of no binging and purging. Got up to what was considered a normal weight, and stayed that way for quite some time. During my normal weight period, my drinking got entirely out of control so for the last 5 months, I have been in recovery from alcohol. The problem is, once that demon was tackled, my restrictive behavior started up again, and soon followed the bulimia. I've lost about 1/4 of of total body weight in the last 3-4 months and would now be considered underweight for my height.
I suppose my problem is; I still am not satisfied with myself. I don't want to stop restricting, but at the same time, I need help controlling the bulimia, since I started back, I have lost two teeth, am constantly hungry, fatigued, fluttery chest, and have immense chest/heart pains any time I make myself purge. Is it normal to want to stop one but not the other? Is it even possible? I'm really at a loss for what to do-- i feel like I have no control. I have all of this junk food in my house to binge on but cant even hardly eat it since I can't chew on either side of my mouth until i see a dentist next week. I want to just throw it all out but then i feel guilty about the money I spent and not even eating it. I just don't know what to do *sigh* but I had to say something. I've told one or two friends, but they've never dealt with anything like this and just don't understand why I can't stop. Guess I just needed to blurt that out to someone who might understand. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Old 10-17-2011, 07:37 PM   #2
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Re: Want to recover from bulimia but not restriction??

Hi,

My first question is how are you recovering from the alcohol issue? Are you using the 12-steps? If so you can try to use that for the eating disorder issue.

Yes, it is totally "normal", in your words, to want to hold onto one of the two facets of the eating disorder. It is the illusion of having some kind of control, even though we know we're destroying ourselves. It is so complex. I was okay with giving up the binge/purge cycle, but not the restricting side at one point in time. I fought this disease my whole life. I've had periods of "normal" eating and weight, short periods, but I alway fought the demon of anorexia and bulimia. I even did a stint in outpatient for 3 years (never finding recovery). It wasn't until I committed myself to going inpatient that I was able to be free from this disease. I did that at forty two years old. I'm so glad that I decided to that, I've had several free and healthy years since then.

Have you considered talking seeking professional help with the ED? Maybe you need to seek the same help for this as you did for the alcohol, maybe the without the alcohol the ED is taking over. I don't know. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. Recovery is possible. You can be free from this. My hope is that you don't have to lose anymore of you teeth, or health. Good luck.

 
Old 10-18-2011, 08:20 PM   #3
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Re: Want to recover from bulimia but not restriction??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cup of coffee View Post
Hi,

My first question is how are you recovering from the alcohol issue? Are you using the 12-steps? If so you can try to use that for the eating disorder issue.

Yes, it is totally "normal", in your words, to want to hold onto one of the two facets of the eating disorder. It is the illusion of having some kind of control, even though we know we're destroying ourselves. It is so complex. I was okay with giving up the binge/purge cycle, but not the restricting side at one point in time. I fought this disease my whole life. I've had periods of "normal" eating and weight, short periods, but I alway fought the demon of anorexia and bulimia. I even did a stint in outpatient for 3 years (never finding recovery). It wasn't until I committed myself to going inpatient that I was able to be free from this disease. I did that at forty two years old. I'm so glad that I decided to that, I've had several free and healthy years since then.

Have you considered talking seeking professional help with the ED? Maybe you need to seek the same help for this as you did for the alcohol, maybe the without the alcohol the ED is taking over. I don't know. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. Recovery is possible. You can be free from this. My hope is that you don't have to lose anymore of you teeth, or health. Good luck.
[COLOR="Purple"][FONT="Book Antiqua"]Actually yes, i have been using the 12 step approach to help alleviate the issues caused by the alcohol addiction, though I never considered it for my ed...I know they have OA, but didn't know there was anything specifically pertaining to anorexia/bulima. Actually, the ed is the reason why my sponsor and I had called it quits a few weeks ago. She's a psychiatric nurse and as I'm considered dual diagnosis with having an eating disorder/bipolar and alcohol issue, she said in order to continue our relationship I'd have to go into counseling for both-- which at the time was unwilling to do.

I guess in a way, I'm still resitant to get back into therapy for it-- not so much the talking part, but the aspect of seeing a nutritionist or recovering before I "reach my ideal weight", which I know is ridiculous, but thats just how I think sometimes.Control is such a big part of this-- everything else in my life is just upside down. Ive isolated myself
to the point that work is my only release..even at that, I overheard my bosses whispering about their concern over my appearance and determining how they were going to address it a little over a week ago. I probably will be going into counseling again, at the very least, if they can keep the other doctors out of it for the time being. Just physically & emotionally tired..a small part of me wishes I could do inpatient or an extensive outpatient to get life back on track, but with everything else going on, I'd just feel horribly guilty for having another pause in life to regroup myself. I had to do this for my mental health about 5 years ago, then rehab, a stint in jail for the dui, another halt to do an 8 week program to get my license back, which i am currently in the process of completing..it gets rather depressing..working on yourself time and time again and never fixing yourself :/

 
Old 11-04-2011, 12:08 PM   #4
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Re: Want to recover from bulimia but not restriction??

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetelisum View Post
Just physically & emotionally tired..a small part of me wishes I could do inpatient or an extensive outpatient to get life back on track, but with everything else going on, I'd just feel horribly guilty for having another pause in life to regroup myself. .it gets rather depressing..working on yourself time and time again and never fixing yourself :/
Hello sweetelisum,

Please understand that we are all works in progress and if your situation dictates attending either in or outpatient,then by all means do so.

Keep on working on yourself and you will find that certain aspects will be addressed while others need to lay on the back-burner.

What has taken years to develop cannot be expected to be remedied in a 24 hour period...........allow yourself the time.

Don't feel guilty for wanting better for yourself than your current situation dictates.......

Feel pride that you had enough courage to do something about it,despite how it made you feel.

Most respectfully stated
Phoenix
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When in doubt, post it out.

 
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