| | Bulimia & Anorexia Recovery
Hi, I'm a 17 year old girl who's been suffering with these disorders for almost four years now. When I was younger, both my aunt and my step mother repeatedly called me fat. I didn't think any of it until I was going into high school at age 13. I had a friend who was suffering from anorexia (she's almost fully recovered now and is absolutely gorgeous) and she called me skinny and twiggish and said I was so much thinner than she was when I weighed 110lbs and was 5' and she was 5'6" and the same weight as I was.
Instead of me taking that as a compliment, I took it as a negative thing and began to throw up my dinner. At first, I could control it, just dinner and nothing else. Then I began to cut out everything but fruit. I started to lose weight.
But not long after, and though I didn't notice, I began to lose control. I was placed in the hospital when I was 14 for a suicide attempt (I still can't remember if it was because of this or something else) and I gained some weight from being in the hospital.
Going back into school, I saw the girls' stares around me and I was ashamed. So I began to starve myself and throw up whatever I ate. I lose over 22lbs.
When I was 16, I got tired of doing this repeated routine of eating and throwing up so I began to keep food down. I gained 11lbs and I was okay with that because I looked better.
But then my grandmother praised me on it, commenting on how much I look better with weight, etc. She wasn't insulting me, she was happy I was gaining. But since she was commenting on my weight (regardless of how it's said, I find that I don't like my weight being mentioned at all) so I noticed, and the voices that tell me that I'm **** came back. I lost over 15lbs.
So here I am, binging and purging and starving almost everyday.
But I've decided to stop right now, at 3:07AM, I want to stop and feel good about myself and enjoy life. Luckily, I have a loving boyfriend who now knows of this disease that inhibits within me and is more than willing to help me get through it. I think my mother knows too, which is something I'm more worried about. I'll have to see how this goes. Wish me luck!
PS: Sorry for it being so long! D: I had a lot to say.
Last edited by roxmysox; 11-06-2011 at 03:11 AM.