pixie06

Hi everyone.

This is my first post on here..
If you take a look at my profile then you will see my history and about me.. but incase you don't then a quick summary is that about 2 years ago i was diagnosed with ednos (eating disorder not specified - both traits of anorexia and bulimia) and have been recovering since.

I went to a clinic where i was diagnosed 2 years ago, and I left on my own account a year later because i wanted to carry on recovery by myself.

Pysically I look fine, im a healthy weight and i look healthy, but mentally I still am not quite there.

I still hate looking in the mirror every day, I hate being naked infront of my boyfriend of 15 months, I constantly wear baggy clothes, never eat breakfast (never have done to be honest). It takes me a good half hour, 45 mins to choose what to eat for lunch and dinner, and I usually only manage one and a half meals a day. I literally cannot stand feeling like this anymore. Feeling guilty for eating something thats fattening or cakey or chocolatey. I just want to be healthy but happy aswell...
I don't know who to talk to about all of this because i am afraid if i tell my family they will worry that i am getting ill again, which i am not.. and my boyfriend is constantly fearing that i will become ill again aswell, and so he hides that with anger.. so i dont particularly want to talk to him either.

My best friend has been recovering from anorexia for three years now, she almost died . We have been through so much together because we were both ill at the same time so couldnt see eachother for over a year incase we triggered eachother off. It was really hard and upsetting but now we practically see eachother every day.. i love her so much and she is really worrying me at the moment. I can see her avoiding meals and throwing food away (thinking she is doing it secretly when I know all of the tricks) I want to tell her mum how much I am worrying but i myself know how annoying it is to have everyone on your back. . . but i feel like its going to get worse if i dont?

Please kindly give me words of advice if you can

xx