| | People keep taking pictures of me
I am a recovering bulimic, but I will admit I'm terrified of having my picture taken (I always have been) but its been worse ever since the ED. It's because I look huge in the pictures and it makes me want to engage in my old behaviors that's why I try to avoid them.
My family knows better than to take pictures of me (one time 2 months ago they did it as a joke and I tried to grab the camera and was about to smash it and stomp it to death but they got it away from me in time) and I wouldn't stop crying for hours on end.
But this past week I've had to have my picture taken twice and couldn't avoid it, b/c it was at my internship (I'm a grad student) and at school (the director of student services is a major ***** and would've caused a big stink if I didn't do the ******* picture, and ofcourse she's thin as anything). I saw my picture from the internship and my arms looked huge and I just wanted to crawl into a little hole, and I was humiliated that other people could see this picture and I've been very depressed all week and started engaging in behaviors again.
People just don't get it, they wouldnt force someone with a seizure disorder in front of a flashy camera, but nooooo eating disorders don't count, their not a real disability (sarcasm), b/c its just out of vain right?
I don't know what to do people seriously don't understand how distressing pictures are for me, one photo and it'll ruin an entire week for me and it's setting me back in my recovery, b/c I really don't feel ready yet to step in front of the camera, but everywhere I go someone wants to take a ******* picture! I can't escape it.