I'm glad to hear that you're going to counseling. I just wanted to tell you that I totally understand what you are saying, and try not to be so hard on yourself. It's really not your fault. Keep correcting your mind and your actions when you know that you are not thinking properly and want to eat less than you should. It's not easy, I know!
I pray you will have a full recovery, I hear that you are struggling right now. You are not alone.