Anorexia Nervosa - Recovery time
I would like to share with those suffering with Anorexia.
I have been living with the illness for 20 years and I am only 34. If I knew then what I know today, I would have taken the help and advice at the beginning - but one cannot take it back.
I know that one can make it better, accept the help and make the changes so evidently needed to acknowledge life is worth living beyond an eating disorder. When I was in hospital on the door read, 'Fight the disease and not the system'. The first time i was in this particular clinic I never understood this. I denied the fact that I had an eating disorder or that it caused issues in my place of work (I lost my job), relationships, family and more importantly the impact it has had on my immediate family (my husband and my children). I lost friends, was isolated due to the fact that I placed my illness first before everyone else.
The illness consumed me so greatly that I nearly lost my family as well as well as losing my own life. Today, the impact of what this illness has done, has left me with a heart condition, osteoporosis and a form of epilepsy as well as having to acknowledge I have a psychiatric disorder that I need to learn to manage and live with.
My immediate family lives in fear that I go backwards. My children the age of 3 and the other of 7 are scared that Mommy goes away again. My husband and my child of 7 years, know if I am going off the rails. My daughter (7) distrusts me and I have placed the security of my whole family at jeopardy.
I needed to repair the damage, pain, mistrust and dishonesty of my actions. My son (3) keeps asking me, 'Mommy are you coming with' because I isolated myself from EVERYONE even my children to live with my eating disorder to the point I was not a good mother, I was not a wife and I was not a person just a silent presence with my secrets.
It has taken me the best part of two years now trying to manage and keep my eating disorder at bay, a manageable level. It is hard work every day to make sure I eat regularly and properly. I have learned that the obsessive behaviour was and is the most difficult to change because one has to want to make the changes and take the challenge to live life amongst others and with oneself.
Anorexia is an extremely selfish and self destruction illness. I do wish all that suffer from this illness seek help before too much is at risk and that includes ones life.
In small proportions we just beauties see, in small measures life my perfect be!