It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board
Post New Thread   Reply Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-26-2011, 10:25 PM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Edmonton, AB.
Posts: 29
fitness1 HB User
MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

My Story starts from just about two years ago when I lost 45 pounds in about 2-3 months with extreme dieting and excerise. I was borderlining on an eating disorder. I recovered by myself when I realized I was way to thin, and felt sick, weak, and felt like I was going to pass out all the time. Since then, I have adapted a extremely healthy diet and work out an hour a day (Doing a variety of types of excerises) 6 days a week. However, since my weight loss, I feel very tied down by my need to feel thin (im about 5'6 and 117 pounds) and extremely, extremely fit. I feel tied down every day by what type of exercise I'm going to do, but more so, what I'm going to eat. I always have anxiety about each meal i am going to have, when I am going to have it, what am I going to have. I have pretty much developed food anxiety, where I feel nervous during each meal and need to have TONS of vegetables with each meal or I feel very disapointed and unfufilled. I find that, before I was thin, I actually might have been happier, because I didnt have to worry and constently OBSESS about certain things. I find I'm always thinking about food and excerise, and I feel very anxious always that I will not be able to eat what I want, and worry about the opportunity to excerise. With this consistently on my mind, I get very anxious and angry when I don't get the opportunity to make the food myself. As in, when I go to restaurant I feel very stressed out that I dont know the caloric value, or its never healthy enough so I'm never satisfied bringing on anger and stress. This stress carries out to other aspects of my life. In my relationships, I feel I am grumpier more often, distant, and stressed out. I don't want to be this way any more because it is exhausting never being satisified and I also feel my life is so repetitive. I don't know how to change because this is the way I have lived for two years. I want to be happier always, be a better person to my family and other relationships, and feel free. I also still want to maintain my current weight. I know this is a long story and complicated, thank you for listening.

If anyone has had a similiar experience and has any advice that they think would help, please respond and let me know.

 
Reply With Quote
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-26-2012, 10:17 AM   #2
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: usa
Posts: 1
missesfitness HB User
Re: MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

I feel exactly the same way. I constantly think of what exercise I am going to do today or tomorrow, what I am going to eat. I cannot enjoy going out to eat with family/friends. I cannot enjoy my kids birthday parties. To add to my problems, I have a terrible food addiction. I stayed at my target weight for over a year and became very fit. Although I still have the same physical abilities, I have had a significant increase in body fat due to binge eating to deal with a traumatic circumstance recently. Now, I feel the need to exercise more. It is becoming very problematic to the point that it is interfering with personal time that my kids need with me. I feel so out of control. I want to lose this body fat and maintain my current abilities, but I do not want to feel like a prisoner anymore.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2012, 10:13 PM   #3
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Edmonton, AB.
Posts: 29
fitness1 HB User
Re: MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

Thank you so sooo much for your reply. It seems like we have such similar stories. May I ask how long this has been going on for? A bit over a year did you say? I feel like I am trapped too because nothing is ever good enough for me. The funny thing is, I lost weight and wanted to become unattached to food and stop loving it so much. I achieved that for a while, but it seems I am at where I was to begin with when I was larger, but just with a different type of binging. I want to stop eating and have such an obsession with food, but I'm sure as you experience, it seems like the main focus of our lives. I want to be unattached to both food and weight yet, it seems so comfortable to stay in this cycle because its what I have known for like 2 years.

 
Reply With Quote
The following user gives a hug of support to fitness1:
Phoenix (03-27-2012)
Old 03-26-2012, 10:20 PM   #4
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Edmonton, AB.
Posts: 29
fitness1 HB User
Re: MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

Thank you soo soo much for your reply. It so great to know that we have such similiar stories ad struggles. I also feel trapped and like a prisoner because I find myself constitently in the cycle of excercising and thinking about food and eating food. Its interesting because I lost the weight and wanted to lose weight to get unattached to food and find a new perspective on food, but it seems like I am back where I started but I binge on a different kind of food. Right now, it seems as though I am a food addict as well because I spend so much time thinking about and preparing, and eating food. I dont know about you, but do you become extremely angry when you cannot eat exactly what you want or have exact control over what you put in your mouth?

About the feeling like a prisoner part, does your husband or partner know? And have you considered getting help by talking to someone about your troublesome eatig habits?

 
Reply With Quote
Old 03-27-2012, 04:49 AM   #5
Facilitator
(male)
 
Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,854
Blog Entries: 33
Phoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB User
Re: MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

Hello fitness1 and missesfitness,

With the obsession of food and calories,comes an emotional element that needs to be explored.

The rule of thumb is usually therapeutic measures of either the pharmaceutical and/or counseling kind.

The goal here would be to break the cyclical obsessions that the psyche manifests,or at the very least thwarting the(seemingly uncontrollably intrusive)mindset long enough for it to become a passing thought.

May the two of continue to reply here and if there are any questions at all,please refer to my signature.

Respectfully
Ryan
__________________
When in doubt, post it out.

Last edited by Phoenix; 03-27-2012 at 02:01 PM.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2012, 01:22 PM   #6
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 12
amiisane HB User
Re: MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

Hi guys, I am definately the same way. Food is ALWAYS on my mind, and exercise as well. I was at a good weight (5''9 140 lbs), still wanted to lose some but i felt good. Now I have gained 10 pounds and I am so down on myself. I will binge SO MUCH! I am currently detoxing from Cymbalta and got off Topamax as well, so my body is doing crzzy things. OH! And I just started my period, you can only imagine my appetite. I am so upset about it though; I ate 3 donuts this morning and now I feel emotionally and physically down. I try to exercise, however, feeling nauseous all of the time does not make it easy. I am just so scared of gaining more weight

 
Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-2012, 03:39 AM   #7
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 47
beachlove12 HB User
Re: MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

Quote:
Originally Posted by fitness1 View Post
My Story starts from just about two years ago when I lost 45 pounds in about 2-3 months with extreme dieting and excerise. I was borderlining on an eating disorder. I recovered by myself when I realized I was way to thin, and felt sick, weak, and felt like I was going to pass out all the time. Since then, I have adapted a extremely healthy diet and work out an hour a day (Doing a variety of types of excerises) 6 days a week. However, since my weight loss, I feel very tied down by my need to feel thin (im about 5'6 and 117 pounds) and extremely, extremely fit. I feel tied down every day by what type of exercise I'm going to do, but more so, what I'm going to eat. I always have anxiety about each meal i am going to have, when I am going to have it, what am I going to have. I have pretty much developed food anxiety, where I feel nervous during each meal and need to have TONS of vegetables with each meal or I feel very disapointed and unfufilled. I find that, before I was thin, I actually might have been happier, because I didnt have to worry and constently OBSESS about certain things. I find I'm always thinking about food and excerise, and I feel very anxious always that I will not be able to eat what I want, and worry about the opportunity to excerise. With this consistently on my mind, I get very anxious and angry when I don't get the opportunity to make the food myself. As in, when I go to restaurant I feel very stressed out that I dont know the caloric value, or its never healthy enough so I'm never satisfied bringing on anger and stress. This stress carries out to other aspects of my life. In my relationships, I feel I am grumpier more often, distant, and stressed out. I don't want to be this way any more because it is exhausting never being satisified and I also feel my life is so repetitive. I don't know how to change because this is the way I have lived for two years. I want to be happier always, be a better person to my family and other relationships, and feel free. I also still want to maintain my current weight. I know this is a long story and complicated, thank you for listening.

If anyone has had a similiar experience and has any advice that they think would help, please respond and let me know.
@fitness1, my situation sounds exactly like yours! Through starvation and obsessive exercise, I got down to 101 pounds and still denied that I had an eating disorder. By my family's encouragement, I have gained weight and now I am around 117 pounds (and 5'6") like you are.
I am now in therapy for anorexia and depression, and I hate it how people think I am 'better' simply because I don't look 'anorexic' anymore, when in actuality, my 'anorexic' mind is as strong as it always is.
My anxiety around food is insane and I can't ever deviate from my food plan other I freak out. I can never eat out or ever go out with friends because I am terrified of being around foreign food.
And I have the similar problem to you - now that I've gained weight, I feel weaker and sicker and never have any energy.
How have you been getting on?

 
Reply With Quote
Old 07-17-2012, 09:26 PM   #8
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Edmonton, AB.
Posts: 29
fitness1 HB User
Re: MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

Hey BeachLove12,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me! Do you find that you feel sicker, and weaker then ever before because you're beginning to be effected by just how exhausting having these obsessions about food, and other anorexic thoughts that restrict your life on daily basis?I feel unhappy because I am now beginning to recognize how descructive and ridiculous my behaviors are. I totally agree that just because you have restored the weight, does not mean you have recovered from the pyschological aspects of the disorder. Clearly the psychological aspects of anorexia are something I do deal with on a daily basis.

Recently I've been taking initiative to change. I am seeing a counselor now and I have told her about my obsessions and my anxieties about weight, food, and excercise.She has given me some cognitive-behavioral therapy strategies to help me when I experience anxiety around food or not being in control of food. Has your therapy offered you any of this? I will admit I do feel very tied down to my obsessive "anorexic" thoughts all day everyday still though. I find they are so hard to break because I prioritize food and weight all day, ever day. I also realized that right now in my life that if I don't have these obsessions and thoughts about diet, excercise, and weight that I don't even know who I am anymore, and I don't know what I enjoy anymore. That makes me very very upset because that is no way to live and that a normal, healthy person would never struggle with this obsession. So right now I am trying to do those cog-behavioral strategies, but often at times I lose the motivation to change because this obsession is all I know. I hope that makes sense.

Do you agree or experience any of what I have just shared?
Also, do you excercise and does it continue to play a role in your anorexic thinking?
Thanks alot, I look forward to your reply.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2012, 03:26 AM   #9
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 47
beachlove12 HB User
Re: MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

@fitness1, yes I do believe that I feel sicker, weaker, more fatigued than ever because I am being affected very mentally by everything I have done to my body. It feels like my brain hurts, because of the continuous and non-stop obsessive counting and thinking about exercise and calories and about how hungry I am. And I am both fed up and angry at myself for being like this, but I just don’t have the power to change. I know that what I’m doing is wrong and dangerous to my body, but the anorexic ‘voice’ is just too powerful for me to overcome. I am not in control of what I eat (or what I don’t eat) because the voice guides everything.
Yes my psychologist and I have addressed my eating disorder and trying to not give into what the eating disorder wants, but so far, this has proved unsuccessful. I have found that my thoughts are just too strong and powerful and I feel completely powerless against it. How has your therapy been going? It sounds like your experiencing some positivity from your therapy so hopefully it is going better than how I feel my therapy is going.
I am a competitive swimmer so this makes my eating disorder so detrimental to all areas of my life because I haven’t been able to achieve my swimming goals. I was forced to stop swimming because I was using swimming as a way to fuel my exercise addiction. I have since begun training again, but am currently taking time off due to overtraining which is the result of the eating disorders affect on my body. Do you exercise?

Do you take any medication?

 
Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2012, 10:17 AM   #10
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Edmonton, AB.
Posts: 29
fitness1 HB User
Re: MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

How long have you been effected by anorexia? Mine experience started when I was 18. Do you know what contributed to the eating disorder? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
@fitness1, yes I do believe that I feel sicker, weaker, more fatigued than ever because I am being affected very mentally by everything I have done to my body. It feels like my brain hurts, because of the continuous and non-stop obsessive counting and thinking about exercise and calories and about how hungry I am. And I am both fed up and angry at myself for being like this, but I just donít have the power to change. I know that what Iím doing is wrong and dangerous to my body, but the anorexic Ďvoiceí is just too powerful for me to overcome. I am not in control of what I eat (or what I donít eat) because the voice guides everything.
Yes my psychologist and I have addressed my eating disorder and trying to not give into what the eating disorder wants, but so far, this has proved unsuccessful. I have found that my thoughts are just too strong and powerful and I feel completely powerless against it. How has your therapy been going? It sounds like your experiencing some positivity from your therapy so hopefully it is going better than how I feel my therapy is going.
I am a competitive swimmer so this makes my eating disorder so detrimental to all areas of my life because I havenít been able to achieve my swimming goals. I was forced to stop swimming because I was using swimming as a way to fuel my exercise addiction. I have since begun training again, but am currently taking time off due to overtraining which is the result of the eating disorders affect on my body. Do you exercise?

Do you take any medication?

 
Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2012, 11:17 AM   #11
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Edmonton, AB.
Posts: 29
fitness1 HB User
Re: MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

Sorry, My computer sent the message before I had completed my answer.


I think why I am beginning to be partially successful and want to change the way I think about food, weight, and excercise is because I to was feeling so tired, weak, and exhausted because I am "burnt out" from my thoughts and my obsessions about weight and excerise. I could see that I was burning out because I noticed that I didn't care about alot of things that I should have as a result of feeling burnt out from my own anorexic thoughts. I didn't prioritze hanging out with friends because I felt it would be an extra effort, and I would experience huge anxiety if faced with food, which of course is always the trouble. Over all I could also feel the burn out because I couldn't love or be happy as much as I used to. When family members would talk to me and I had a bad day I would be irritable and get annoyed by every single thing and just want to be left alone. And just most importantly, overall I am not happy with myself or as happy as I should be with all the actual blessings I have in my life.

In regards to therapy, I think part of the reason I am experiencing some success is because I am just taking it one step at a time, and not considering, okay if I dont excericse today, then i have to eat 300 calories less, I am just trying to listen to why my body needs. Also, the reason you might not be having as much success is maybe you haven't addressed the cause of the eating disorder and how that still has effect on you? If I could give one piece of advice that is helping me change and recover (slowly but surely, and some days more then others) is that I get thinking about the person I want to be without the eating disorder, and if I have to break habits that are extremely hard and difficult to break to be that person, then I have to do it. I also realize that with change I will be free of the controlling voices of the disorder. I know that changing, and all the uncertainty about how much I weigh, how great in shape I am might change, right now because im so exhausted on a daily basis and unhappy on a daily basis that change seems to be the only thing to escape it.

Yes, I do excerise. I used to do it 6 days a week for an hour. I admit I felt exhausted by following this routine, buut recently be therapist and I have planned for me to start doing on 5 days a week. I have been following the 5 day a week plan for about 3 weeks now and honestly, I feel great. Just with that change, I feel like I am more free already. However, I do still struggle greatly with the food aspect. As you know, we understand calories in and out like a science. My therapist and I are working on that also. Still I am obsessed with veggies, and often binge on veggies, we have discussed that cutting the amount down a little bit at during one meal for a few weeks is a good start and will not be to overwhelming or cause a great amount of anxitey. So, it is these little changes that make a huge difference in the end. I hope that explaination helps.

Please do take it easy on your body, and I promise you won't feel as exhausted. BUt I know its hard not to excercise because I know that i have such bad anxiety when I feel as though I dont deserve to eat food because I haven't burned at least some of the other calories off. But i do just keep thinking I want to change, I want to change, it is just this one time that I should eat for energy and I won't gain any weight from it. With this thinking, I have been able to cut down my excericise and this is something I thought I would have so much trouble doing. I can honestly say that I am happier doing less excercise because I have partially broken my cycle.

As for the medication part, no actually I am not on any medications. Are you?

Thanks Look forward to hearing back from you!

 
Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2012, 08:16 PM   #12
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 47
beachlove12 HB User
Re: MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

@fitness1,

I have had anorexia nervosa for four years but was only diagnosed quite recently.
I think something that contributed to the development of my eating disorder was in my last year of school - I decided to take a break from competitive swimming and training to focus on my final exams. The following year, I began university and joined the university gym (but I hadn't yet returned to swimming training by then). A short time later, I then rejoined swimming training as well as still going to the gym each day. And then I realised that I was losing weight but still training really really well and so it eventually just down-spiralled out of control.
What about you? How do you make sense of your eating disorder?

 
Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2012, 01:33 PM   #13
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Edmonton, AB.
Posts: 29
fitness1 HB User
Re: MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

And when you began to lose the weight, what kept you motivated to continue losing weight? How did it help you cope with whatever stress you were going through?

I make sense of my eating disorder by basically losing weight increased self-esteem and filled any self-doubt or self-images I had about myself. Basically losing the weight made me feel successful and condifent and erased my low self esteem issues I had growing up. I had self esteem issues like being overweight, especially in high school. I also felt dumb, stupid and less then average with certain experiences I had growing up. So, the eating disorder and losing weight put a bandage on all those self doubts I had. I started to being to lose weight healthly with good intentions and then I just became more and more extreme as I saw that I was getting results. I saw that for once in my life I have control control over something and I was sucessful at it, so I just kept losing weight and becoming obsessed with excercise.
Can you relate to my story? What made you realize that you needed help?

 
Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2012, 05:53 PM   #14
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 47
beachlove12 HB User
Re: MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

@fitness 1,
Once I realised that I was losing weight and still being able to train and compete successfully, then I thought that I must have found the right way for me to become a better athlete. I was losing weight and becoming a faster athlete, so for me it was extremely simple for me to continue doing what I was doing. Even though I knew in the back of my mind that it wasn’t healthy, the evidence spoke for itself in terms of my swimming improvements. But eventually, it got to a point whereby I had lost too much weight and my swimming performance just plummeted. I was attending a swimming meet and actually had to forfeit all my races because I was so weak and swimming so badly. I was at my lowest and I was still in denial about having an eating disorder. My sister told me one day that I was killing her because she had to watch me kill myself and then I realised that I had an issue.
I think it covered up a lot of the same stuff that you mention in your post – for once, I was able to feel that I was successful at something. I had always felt like a failure in all areas of my life. As a perfectionist, I am never satisfied unless I achieve 100% in everything I do, and I couldn’t handle these feelings of being a failure towards my family. And so when I began to lose weight, but still perform successfully as an athlete, I felt like I had finally found something that I could excel at. My self-esteem and self-confidence has always been non-existent throughout my whole life and it felt like I could lose all this failure and disappointment with the more weight I lost. And so I equated weight loss with being able to rid of all my negative feelings towards myself and I naively believed that once I reached a certain weight, then I would be happy and attractive and confident etc etc.
When and how did you realise you needed help?

 
Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2012, 10:48 PM   #15
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Edmonton, AB.
Posts: 29
fitness1 HB User
Re: MY Excerise/Weight/Health Anxiety

beachlove12,
I can absolutely understand where your coming from by saying that by losing weight, you thought you could improve yourself and lose all your negativities. Well when I started to recover, I actually recovered on my own. It was until one weekend when at my friends cabin that I noticed how little I ate and how much I excercised compared to my friends. I also realized that how little energy I had was no normal. I had completely forgotten how "normal" people eat. This was a real wake up call for me because I had realized my habits were so extreme and I infact, was so thin. My mom had especially pointed out several times that i was way to thin, but I assured her that I wasn't doing anything special to lose weight, but kept following my routine and this was what caused me to lose weight. I knew I was lying to her and myself, but I never really realized the seriousness of it. Thankfully the lowest I think I ever was was 110 pounds. Up until that point, I was honestly completely oblivious to just how dangerous and obsessive my eating and excercise patterns were. I think this is because I was always alone (I unintentionally isolated myself) that I didn't recognize how little I ate for the amount of excerise I did. During that weekend, I realized I exercised wayyyyyyy more then the average person. From this point on, I began to try and eat more with each meal. I got into the mindset that in order to eat, I would have to eat the healthiest foods possible and this would help keep the weight down. So I began eating really healthy, which then turned into being obsessed with healthy food and binging on veggies. Ever since I have binged on vegetables. Then I started to realize that I think about food, diet and weight much more then other people, and I am consistently prioritizing my day around them. I think why I finally took initative to get professional help was because I started (and still do) have extreme anxiety around food and have control issues with food, and I no longer want to be that way.

Do you binge on anything or have obsessions about certain foods? What strategies have you and your therapist tried to help you with this?

 
Reply With Quote
Reply Reply




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:26 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!