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Old 01-23-2012, 05:50 AM   #1
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Taken a few steps back

i have been sitting with myself for a while now and i have fueled rage, anger and silence then ensues. I don't know why or what is causing it but it is distressing me greatly. i am engaging in old behaviours with no remorse or guilt. I know there are severe consequences for my actions. A month ago, i felt like aces and I was really on track. then so many aspects of my life changed - i am working again after losing my last job due to anorexia two years ago. i am struggling with getting back into sync and mentally i feel lower than ever. i am juggling life with kids and work. I know i am effectively meant to be in recovery but i am battling my butt off. i have relapsed according to my psychiatrist and she feels i am going to go down quickly. I think my ED specialist and psychologist are ready to give up on me. i am engaging in extreme behaviours, so deceitful and being so dishonest about my eating and i have no remorse or guilt. A month ago i was doing well, as hard as it was i was sticking to the plan.

i am fueled with rage, i do not understand
angry because i cannot express my thoughts
and silent because if i speak them, i am effectively in the poop
so i avoid
avoid because i know i am doing bad things
i hate what i see at the moment
and i have a whole lot to lose


but nothing in my mind is telling me to stop!
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Old 02-01-2012, 08:11 PM   #2
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Re: Taken a few steps back

Hello mjpd,

Is your job too stressful for you at the moment?

If your psychiatrist feels you are in for a downward spiral,I would take heed to her forewarning you.

Do not give up on you and try and do whatever you can to try and change your behavior patterns.

Remember that even small steps are progress and enough of them put together does progress make.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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Last edited by Phoenix; 02-03-2012 at 01:03 PM.

 
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Old 02-03-2012, 05:22 AM   #3
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Re: Taken a few steps back

Thank you Phoenix,

I appreciate the consideration and advise.

I will try to take it all in small steps.

I just need to get through some obstacles and hopefully things will come right for me.

Mjpd
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Old 02-03-2012, 01:56 PM   #4
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Re: Taken a few steps back

Quote:
Originally Posted by mjpd View Post
I just need to get through some obstacles and hopefully things will come right for me.
Mjpd,

A little optimism can go a long way.

No one said it will be easy but in the long run it will be well worth your while.

Your ability to see patterned behaviors resurfacing is a strength that many take for granted.

Respectfully stated,

Phoenix
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