Re: Is this an eating disorder?
While it's not a traditional anorexia or bulimia,any kind of obsessive actions towards eating, dieting, or similar things is a disorder, and you need to seek some kind of medial treatment. What you've described is really like an addiction - you want something really bad, and will do anything to keep doing it, even if it's not good and you know it's not good, and when you stop, you feel so sick or crappy that you have to keep doing it. That's an addictive process. And often, one of the cardinal "signs" of an ED is the want and feeling of control. That regardless of everything else that may be falling apart, they are in control of one thing - how they eat or what they do to their bodies, and that even if they do harmful things, the fear of losing control is stronger. This obsession for control is not normal or healthy, and the fact that you don't want to stop because you're afraid to lose control is a very strong indicator that you have an illness and you need to seek help. Talk with your doctor, ask for a referral to a psychotherapist and start to work on learning how to take care of yourself without hurting yourself.
Good luck with this all! It's really great that you're asking for help already, so keep it up!