I am a 22 year old practical nurse, and have restricted my food intake since I was 14. Right now, I just need to post my feelings, because I am terrified of anyone knowing about my ed. I know I can't help others as a nurse if I can't help myself. I know that my feelings of worthlessness has stemmed from abuse, but in a way I want to punish myself so I continue to eat less than 500 calories every day. I used to starve and cut myself for years, and started to smoke weed. During the last 2 years, I felt a bit better and started to turn my life around, but I have recently (3 months) fallen into the same destructive pattern that had controlled my life for years. I just really need to talk to someone, even if we are strangers. Thanks.
Is your ED a coping mechanism for you? Self destructive behaviour is unfortunately the worst because of the power of self drive. I have been in exactly the same place and I understand you want to frequent it every so often, we all do - it is our comfort. Unfortunately, a very unhealthy one that can lead to detriments far worse.
You know the system and how it works, is there someone around you that can help and support you? Some one physically there for you?
I once read, "Fight the illness not the system" and I found this true if one opens to the opportunity of help and support.
Do you not think that by enabling others to help you will allow you to regain your feelings of worthiness? Give it some thought.
I am here for you if you need it.
Take care and be gentle on self.
__________________ In small proportions we just beauties see, in small measures life my perfect be!