monk1e

I should start with an apology to you. I haven't been on this board for 4 years. I had Bulimia for 8 years, for the last 3 I was an outpatient, (everybody is different within their eating disorder so please NEVER compare yours with anothers). I haven't made myself sick for 3 years, I haven't taken laxatives for 3 years and now... now my urges are back and it's really scary. I have no control and no stability. I work on tour all year round so, I have no regular routine and I don't have a stable home. My life is good, but every day has become a struggle again. I cry at night. I don't want to go out for dinner, I have bought laxatives and thrown them away. I can't remember how I stopped and I'm beginning to forget why. I don't want to do it again, I don't want my life to be like that again but the urges, the shaking, the anxiety..it's all back and I actually don't know how to fight it. I remember this board being one of the biggest helps in my recovery... so if there is anybody here.. anyone who has been here in this horrible place, let me know what you did.

I'm scared.