It may just be me, but some days i really want to recover and i wake up and have the good intentions to eat all three meals and not purge and restirict, but my mind takes over every time and i end up faltering and giving in to my ED.
-any tips on how to resist purging?
- and general tips on how to stick to a meal plan and be honest when in treatment and accept your problem is not going to automatically go away.
does anyone else feel the same or have these anxieties?
Its not just you trust me! I am so confused about where I'm at now because I absolutely HATE my ED and the thought of a normal life again seems like bliss. But I just can't let go of the thought of not being 'as thin as I could be'. I also get really anxious about the fact that if I were to put on weight, people will assume I'm OK and I won't receive the help I need. I don't know whether others ever fear this too? I feel it is an important issue becuase no one seems interested to help you until its too late and you lose dangerous amounts of weight. I'm not as critically underweight as I have been but it is very difficult to see this as a positive thing. Its hard to do anything anymore especially school work becuase my ED controls my life and so I am thinking about it and food and weight etc 24/7!
I think however much you feel like it would be a good idea to lie at the time look at it in perspective and how much happier you'll be if you can get your life back to normal Good luck I hope everything goes well
To avoid purging, try eating very very small portions of your favourite food. I used to have some green grapes, because I loved it, and it made me happy enough to want to keep it in my stomach.
Everyone has one food they love, despite eds, try and find out which food that is.
An ed will always be with you ( I have had 3...binge/compulsive, anorexia, and bulimia) but if you take small baby steps and start small, it will get easier, I promise!
I have been recovered for several years, and it's still a struggle, but I can promise you my body feels better. I can exercise with normal stamina, and live a fairly normal life.
Its not just you trust me! I am so confused about where I'm at now because I absolutely HATE my ED and the thought of a normal life again seems like bliss. But I just can't let go of the thought of not being 'as thin as I could be'. I also get really anxious about the fact that if I were to put on weight, people will assume I'm OK and I won't receive the help I need. I don't know whether others ever fear this too? I feel it is an important issue becuase no one seems interested to help you until its too late and you lose dangerous amounts of weight. I'm not as critically underweight as I have been but it is very difficult to see this as a positive thing. Its hard to do anything anymore especially school work becuase my ED controls my life and so I am thinking about it and food and weight etc 24/7!
I think however much you feel like it would be a good idea to lie at the time look at it in perspective and how much happier you'll be if you can get your life back to normal Good luck I hope everything goes well
@helives, you are describing EXACTLY what I am feeling! Sometimes I have these moments whereby I think 'yes I can do this. I am able to control this illness and I am able to eat whatever I want' and then a few minutes/hours later, my whole mental attitude has changed and I realise that I am powerless against anorexia.
And yes I understand your fear about putting on weight and then people not thinking you need help. I feel that especially during my therapy sessions - I feel so idiotic because I'm at a normal weight and I guess I don't 'look' anorexic, so I stress out that my psychologist and psychiatrist are thinking that I'm making it up or I'm making a big drama out of nothing.
Do you have any other similar experiences?
@helives, you are describing EXACTLY what I am feeling! Sometimes I have these moments whereby I think 'yes I can do this. I am able to control this illness and I am able to eat whatever I want' and then a few minutes/hours later, my whole mental attitude has changed and I realise that I am powerless against anorexia.
And yes I understand your fear about putting on weight and then people not thinking you need help. I feel that especially during my therapy sessions - I feel so idiotic because I'm at a normal weight and I guess I don't 'look' anorexic, so I stress out that my psychologist and psychiatrist are thinking that I'm making it up or I'm making a big drama out of nothing.
Do you have any other similar experiences?
Yes all the time. I would describe the feeling as both anxiety about what others will think of normal bodied person claiming to have this illness but also guilt I feel like I shouldn't be eating atall to sort of 'live up to' the problem everyone knows I say I have. I wouldn't say I feel threatened by my psychiatrist by it which I am very thankful for. In fact the way my life is now, she's the only person who will listen to me about anorexia related things or anything atall for that matter! But yes I totally understand what you are experiencing and it is really valuable to me to hear from people going through the same things. However much it seems my family take all their anger about my eating disorder problems on me, if I know that I can't let their verdict rule becuase others are feeling the same way I am, meaning I'm not totally crazy, then that is so helpful
Yes all the time. I would describe the feeling as both anxiety about what others will think of normal bodied person claiming to have this illness but also guilt I feel like I shouldn't be eating atall to sort of 'live up to' the problem everyone knows I say I have. I wouldn't say I feel threatened by my psychiatrist by it which I am very thankful for. In fact the way my life is now, she's the only person who will listen to me about anorexia related things or anything atall for that matter! But yes I totally understand what you are experiencing and it is really valuable to me to hear from people going through the same things. However much it seems my family take all their anger about my eating disorder problems on me, if I know that I can't let their verdict rule becuase others are feeling the same way I am, meaning I'm not totally crazy, then that is so helpful
@helives, this sentence you said: "also guilt I feel like I shouldn't be eating atall to sort of 'live up to' the problem everyone knows I say I have" sums what I feel PERFECTLY!! I feel that if I say I've eaten a normal amount or if I haven't lost weight then it sort of portrays that I don't need to be there, and then I feel guilty that I'm not demonstrating or practicing the 'typical behaviours' of an eating disorder and therefore I get the sense that I'm just wasting her time and might not be taken seriously.
@helives, this sentence you said: "also guilt I feel like I shouldn't be eating atall to sort of 'live up to' the problem everyone knows I say I have" sums what I feel PERFECTLY!! I feel that if I say I've eaten a normal amount or if I haven't lost weight then it sort of portrays that I don't need to be there, and then I feel guilty that I'm not demonstrating or practicing the 'typical behaviours' of an eating disorder and therefore I get the sense that I'm just wasting her time and might not be taken seriously.
It is such a difficult issue, one that people who haven't suffered from eating disorders cannot understand or appreciate becuase they only see the outside. They cannot feel the painful emotions the sufferer feels inside and so seeing us eat they think that must mean we are absolutely thrilled to be eating and refuse to even try and understand how that can be a bad thing or difficult for us to deal with. I learnt this very quickly when I attempted to explain that matter to my mum and instead of listening and letting me speak she told me that it was ridiculous. The rage I feel inside about my parents' obliviousness about my illness just fuels the anorexia within. Some days I have to force myself to actually look when crossing roads becuause everything is just so helpless and I cannot cope with the enormous pressing emotions experienced every day caused by my eating disorder. You cant decide to stop caring about what you eat and considering this just makes me feel so trapped :S
Wanting to recover vs wanting to stay thin 
x
