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Old 06-04-2012, 03:38 AM   #1
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At a loss where to turn about anorexic behaviour

Hello there,

I'm sorry that my first post is about my own situation, but I have been suffering with verging on an eating disorder for years now and have never known where to turn. It's now got to the point where I feel I have no support or hope left for me and I just need some advice, since only my mother knows that I am suffering in this way and keeping it a secret from everyone is painful enough in itself.

I have never got to the point where my restricted eating has put me in physical danger, which is perhaps why I have never known who to speak to about it because it seems 'pathetic' to compare myself to the people who are truly suffering from real and damaging eating disorders. However my restricted diet has led over time to really extreme emotional problems because I cannot stop myself worrying about and feeling guilty about eating, and adhering to a strict list of 'banned' and 'acceptable foods', and this is making me very unhappy. I exercise with compulsive regularity and eat identical things every day. I stopped menstruating for about a year and a half and eventually had to have a bone scan where I was diagnosed with osteoporosis. I was terrified by this and knew things had to change but was on the waiting list for therapy for two months before I eventually gave up waiting because my exams were around the corner. Now I can't see my counsellor anymore because I have to move away and my mother refuses to discuss this with me because she can't understand my thought pattern and tends to get very angry when the issue is mentioned, although we are usually very close.

I don't know what to do; I am told I have to gain weight to make my bones get better, but the very idea terrifies me. With no-one to talk to, my problem is getting more and more upsetting and the worst part is that I love food and love to cook, as do my friends, and feel like I am losing the biggest and most enjoyable part of my life and becoming a recluse. And, because my BMI is only on the verge of underweight, I don't count as having a problem. Do I even have a problem, or am I just whiny? I don't understand how I can not be menstruating and have bone problems when I am just barely underweight. I don't know what to think. I just want to be happy and haven't felt my normal self for years. I'd be very grateful for any advice.

 
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Phoenix (06-11-2012)
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Old 06-08-2012, 01:13 PM   #2
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Re: At a loss where to turn about anorexic behaviour

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elster View Post
Now I can't see my counsellor anymore because I have to move away and my mother refuses to discuss this with me because she can't understand my thought pattern and tends to get very angry when the issue is mentioned, although we are usually very close.

I don't know what to do; I am told I have to gain weight to make my bones get better, but the very idea terrifies me. With no-one to talk to, my problem is getting more and more upsetting and the worst part is that I love food and love to cook, as do my friends, and feel like I am losing the biggest and most enjoyable part of my life and becoming a recluse. And, because my BMI is only on the verge of underweight, I don't count as having a problem. Do I even have a problem, or am I just whiny? I don't understand how I can not be menstruating and have bone problems when I am just barely underweight. I don't know what to think. I just want to be happy and haven't felt my normal self for years. I'd be very grateful for any advice.
Hello Elster,

Have you thought about having phone sessions?
Desperate times call for equal measures.

Your mother probably gets upset because this is something that is out of her scope of control.
Parents are supposed to be there to help protect and provide for their children.Feelings of helplessness can easily turn to frustration and frustration progressing to anger.
There are also online ED groups to consider.

Just don't give up on yourself;you're well worth fighting for.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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When in doubt, post it out.

 
Old 06-11-2012, 12:44 PM   #3
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Re: At a loss where to turn about anorexic behaviour

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenix View Post

Your mother probably gets upset because this is something that is out of her scope of control.
Parents are supposed to be there to help protect and provide for their children.Feelings of helplessness can easily turn to frustration and frustration progressing to anger.
There are also online ED groups to consider.

Just don't give up on yourself;you're well worth fighting for.
Hi Phoenix,
Thanks for this, it was cheering just to get some words of support and it does really mean a lot I think you have a good point about my mother - I've considered it a lot recently and I think it might be worth me talking to her properly about it and being clear about what it is she can do that reassures me and makes me feel supported, because that's really all I am looking for.

As for online ED groups, I am aware of a few of them and have tried a couple but find them quite difficult communities to navigate, I find a lot of confirmations that I have a problem and it needs help but there doesn't seem to be much practical advice on how to actually solve the problem. But maybe I'm 'using' these sites wrong? How should you get involved in such groups to make them work for you?

Out of interest - and by all means you don't have to say - but have you suffered similar problems too?

Thanks!

 
Old 06-11-2012, 03:21 PM   #4
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Re: At a loss where to turn about anorexic behaviour

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elster View Post
Out of interest - and by all means you don't have to say - but have you suffered similar problems too?

Thanks!
Elster,

I am plagued with bulimia and I rarely bring it up with my father(mother passed April 2002-RIP).

All he can really do is offer me support....he's a textbook narcissist;too caught up in his own life to be overly concerned with another individual's plight.

Thing is that I don't hate his inability to show me compassion.I have come to expect certain behaviors from him.
----------------------------------
How do I make a group work for me?

I pay close attention to what's being said and if it doesn't apply to me,it's discarded.

I tend to believe that there's at least one thing to be learned from any group I attend.......if not about me,then other people.

Don't be afraid to test the waters and remember that you don't have to share at every meeting.
There's a saying that states: "keep bringing your body and eventually the rest will follow."(loose interpretation)

Respectfully
Phoenix
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When in doubt, post it out.

Last edited by Phoenix; 06-11-2012 at 03:22 PM.

 
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anorexia, depression, eating, eating disorder, osteoporosis



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