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Old 06-27-2012, 12:45 PM   #1
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helives HB Userhelives HB User
Fear of not being heard

After suffering from an eating disorder and gone dangerously close to being admitted to hospital, I am finding recovery, as I am sure all would, very stressful and difficult. One of the main issues bugging me is that whilst the ultimate aim is to regain a healthy BMI, it feels like every step towards that is overwhelmingly negative. Its like I'm still not allowed to put on weight or eat what I want. I also fear that others will jugde me. If you claim to have/have had an eting disorder but are not severely underweight anymore, people will not believe you and not help you. Mentally I am still very much in the same anorexic mind set as I was when I was very physically ill but without the physical appearance to "prove" that I am scared that I will blend into the crowd again and my voice will not be heard. All through my struggle with an eating disorder I have felt that no one takes helping you seriously until its too late and once you're dangerously underweight, they finally believe you and take you seriously. How can I calm all these anxieties and reclaim my normal happy life back?!

 
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Old 07-05-2012, 01:32 AM   #2
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beachlove12 HB User
Re: Fear of not being heard

Quote:
Originally Posted by helives View Post
After suffering from an eating disorder and gone dangerously close to being admitted to hospital, I am finding recovery, as I am sure all would, very stressful and difficult. One of the main issues bugging me is that whilst the ultimate aim is to regain a healthy BMI, it feels like every step towards that is overwhelmingly negative. Its like I'm still not allowed to put on weight or eat what I want. I also fear that others will jugde me. If you claim to have/have had an eting disorder but are not severely underweight anymore, people will not believe you and not help you. Mentally I am still very much in the same anorexic mind set as I was when I was very physically ill but without the physical appearance to "prove" that I am scared that I will blend into the crowd again and my voice will not be heard. All through my struggle with an eating disorder I have felt that no one takes helping you seriously until its too late and once you're dangerously underweight, they finally believe you and take you seriously. How can I calm all these anxieties and reclaim my normal happy life back?!
@Helives, I can understand what you are going through. I am in therapy for anorexia and depression and even though I have gained weight, I still have an anorexic mind. And since I look 'normal' on a physical level, everyone assumees that I am better and not sick anymore, but they don't understand the anorexic is stil within me; it's just not on show anymore. And then that makes it seem not as 'serious' because my weight isn't low anymore. I almost feel that anorexia only becomes recognised as a serious problem if that person's weight is extremely low; if a person regains weight and therefore looks 'normal' or 'healthy' then there is a predisposition for them to be seen as 'recovered' or 'better' even though the anorexic is still as strong as ever within the mind..

 
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Old 07-05-2012, 01:02 PM   #3
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helives HB Userhelives HB User
Re: Fear of not being heard

You do not know how great a relief it is to hear someone else is experiencing the same difficulties as me. Its frustrating and very confusing. You feel like you should be ok becuase of your weight gain but still think about food in exactly the same non stop obsessive way right? I know people say that in an eating disorder you begin to think of food all the time becuase you body is very hungry however these experiences of half recovery prove that it is much more complicated than that. I find it very difficult at home becuase my family don't have any sympthathy for helping me now becuase they don't realise that I'm still just as ill inside. I get shouted at rather than loving concern now for not eating ajd it is seen as me just being difficult.

 
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Old 07-05-2012, 10:33 PM   #4
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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beachlove12 HB User
Re: Fear of not being heard

Quote:
Originally Posted by helives View Post
You do not know how great a relief it is to hear someone else is experiencing the same difficulties as me. Its frustrating and very confusing. You feel like you should be ok becuase of your weight gain but still think about food in exactly the same non stop obsessive way right? I know people say that in an eating disorder you begin to think of food all the time becuase you body is very hungry however these experiences of half recovery prove that it is much more complicated than that. I find it very difficult at home becuase my family don't have any sympthathy for helping me now becuase they don't realise that I'm still just as ill inside. I get shouted at rather than loving concern now for not eating ajd it is seen as me just being difficult.
@Helives, I know exactly what you mean. When I was 'thin', my family expressed much concern about eating/not eating and nowadays (since I've gained weight), it's exactly how you say it - it's being difficult.
And I feel that it's sort of 'forgotten' that I have an eating disorder because my physical appearance now doesn't match what anorexia looks like, so when I go food shopping with my family, they get annoyed/angry when I say that I have to eat this or that I can't eat that. And they say 'can't you just eat this?' but they just don't understand the complexity of this illness.
And yes I do feel and think about food in EXACTLY the same way as before - continous obsession with food and calories and exercise.

 
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