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-   -   I have no idea what's wrong with me, help? (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/eating-disorder-recovery/922076-i-have-no-idea-whats-wrong-me-help.html)

Shine Bright 10-08-2012 03:25 AM

I have no idea what's wrong with me, help?
 
Hello, I'm new to this sort of thing but decided it's time I talked to people about my worries. Straight to the point..

Basically, for the past two years I have been un able to allow myself to eat real meals. I have a very few items of food I will allow myself to eat. Hen I get made to eat anything else will make me feel the need to vomit, and so I do. And I dont know how to explaine it, I turn horrible.

I have to go to the gym everyday or else I turn into a horrible person to be around, I cry, shout and scream at the nearest target because I feel I haven't worked out enough to warrent eating at all. The trouble is, I rarely have the energy I really need. All of this has recently been brought to my attention as people have been starting to comment, 'where has old you gone? will you bring her back?' 'you practically live in that gym, nutter' (And yes, if im honest I do feel like im going insane).
All I ever think about is what I've eaten, calories, when I'll next get to exercise and how many calories I'm going to burn off, how horrible I look, and how fat I see myself. I am constantly grabbing at myself wishing I could just get a pair of sciscors and hack away. The old me seems to be dissapearing, I feel like im pushing everyone away as I don't want to end up snapping at them nor do I want them to see me when I look in the mirror and see this. I'm sorry I dont want to carry on, This is the first time I've ever spoken about this to anyone and I have no idea what's going on with me. I'm sorry :(


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